Perfection
by captainlittleass
Summary: Bucky is in love with Steve. The second he laid eyes on him he knew he was the one. His soulmate. It doesn't matter that Steve resists. It doesn't matter that he's 12 years younger than him. It doesn't matter that he has a girlfriend. Steve was his. And nothing was going to get in between them. Nothing. (No powers modern AU in which ex-military!Bucky is college!Steve's stalker)
1. Chapter 1

**Oof, I'm nervous. So hello everyone! I thought of this idea a little bit ago and wrote out a little rough draft for myself and decided that I actually didn't hate, so here we are. I hope you guys enjoy. (Please excuse any grammatical errors, those are not my forte) PS. I would like to make it 100% abundantly clear that I _LOVE_ my son James Buchanan Barnes and I know this is completely out of character for him. I just liked the idea and went with it.**

 _Bucky's POV_

Bucky knew what he felt was real. The second his eyes landed on that slight college boy, sitting in the corner of that coffee shop, he knew they belonged together, they were soulmates. The beautiful boy was sketching on one of those fancy computer drawing pads and drinking a medium vanilla latte, occasionally taking a bite out of a blueberry scone. The angel's golden blonde bangs hung over his focused blue eyes, his pen gently gliding over the drawing pad, adding large curls to a very primitive sketch of a woman.

"Hi, what would you like?" Bucky snaps out of his daze and looks over at the friendly barista.

"Large black coffee." He orders quickly as she types it into the cash register.

"That'll be 2.93."

He pulls a 5 out of his pocket and hands it to her, she takes it and pours the cup of coffee.

"5 dollars for $2.93... that comes out to... 2 dollars 7 cents in change." She says as she tries to give him the change.

"Keep it." He mumbles before quickly taking his drink and walking over to the angel, "Hello." He greets quietly, no response. He frowns before realizing he has earbuds in. He then taps his shoulder, the angel tenses up and accidentally draws a dark green stripe across the drawing, he quickly clicks the undo button and pauses his music.

"Y-Yes?" He stammers, still trying to recover from his little scare.

"What's your name?" Bucky questions as the angel looks up at him.

"St-Steve." He mumbles, blushing a bit.

"I'm James, but call me Bucky." He introduces, sitting down next to him. He notices Steve scooch his chair over a little and move his things a little farther away.

"Is there something you need?" He asks, before realizing it came out a bit rude, "Sorry, I've just got to get this assignment done by 5 o'clock sharp, my professor will take off 10 percent of my grade for every minute its late." He explains as Bucky continues to watch him.

"You're very good at drawing." He compliments, taking a sip of his coffee. Steve looks down and smiles a bit, blushing. Bucky smiles back, "How old are you?"

"19." His angel answers as Bucky looks at him. He wasn't going to let the conversation die.

"I'm 31."

Steve nods and begins to put his earbuds back in. Bucky grabs his hand to stop him.

"You're so cute... are you doing anything later?"

He notices Steve begin to blush again.

"I'm flattered, but I have a girlfriend..."

"Is it because I'm 12 years older than you?" He asks bluntly. Steve shakes his head.

"No, its because I have a girlfriend-"

"You like men, I'm never wrong about these things-"

"Well I like women too, and I have a girlfriend. She's the one I'm drawing." Steve asserts as Bucky continues to watch him.

"Where can I see more of your work?"

 _Steve's POV_

He was starting to feel uncomfortable. Asking to see more of his art? What the fuck kind of request is that? Especially from a complete stranger. Sure, he had a Tumblr account open to commissions, but there was no way in hell he was going to give it to this creep.

"I don't like to share it publicly."

"Isn't the whole point of being an artist to share your work?" Bucky questions as Steve looks at him a bit longer.

"Can I please just go back to my work?" He asks, not caring if he sounded rude or not. Bucky's pleasant look fades and he stares at him. After a few seconds of that he stands up and turns around. Good, finally some peace-

 _*thump!*_

Steve's bag falls off the table and its contents fall onto the floor.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" Bucky squeaks as he instantly begins to help pick everything up. Okay, maybe he wasn't so bad. He begins to help pick things up as well, after another small awkward conversation between the two of them, he finally thinks of a good enough excuse to leave. After another minute of forced conversation, Steve quickly heads back to his dorm. Something about Bucky was just... unnerving.

* * *

Steve sat in his dorm room, chuckling softly as he sat on Facetime with Peggy.

"I can't wait for you to come back." He mutters as the brunette sighs and tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear.

 _"One more week... my dad is still recovering from his surgery, although I probably could come back now if he wasn't so dependent on other people."_ She comments in annoyance before noticing Steve's expression change from content to sad, _"Oh, no, that was so insensitive... I'm sorry."_

"It's okay... he's been gone for 7 years." He assures with a sad smile. She returns it before hearing someone calling her name in the background.

 _"Oh... I have to go. I love you."_

"Love you too..."

She ends the call and Steve sighs, leaning back in his chair. He lets his mind wander and it eventually settles on Bucky. Maybe he was just socially awkward and terrible at flirting. Or maybe he reacted to him the same way he reacted when he first met Peggy. Either way there was probably no need to be alarmed. His thoughts were interrupted by his phone buzzing on the desk. He reaches for it and looks at the notification. Someone wanted to pay for a commission.

"Let's see what we have here..." He mumbles as he opens the app. No one had sent him a request in 2 months, so he was especially excited when he read it was an NSFW commission, he could charge so much more for those.

 ** _Steve: Thank you so much for the commission SGTBarnes! I haven't gotten one in months_**

Almost immediately after he presses send, he gets a reply.

 _ **SGTBarnes: No problem! I just discovered you and love your work!**_

 _ **Steve: Thank you, people like you are what's keeping me from going completely broke :P #collegeproblems**_

 _ **Steve: Oml that was so cringey I'm sorry**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: Haha, well I'm happy to help, how much will it cost exactly?**_

 _ **Steve: For a colored, detailed NSFW work, around $125**_

 _ **Steve: I know that sounds kind of expensive, if I don't color it, the price can drop to 100**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: Only 125? Your art should be in a museum its so good! I won't pay any less than 250.**_

Steve's eyes widen as he rereads the message multiple times, not believing what he was seeing.

 ** _SGTBarnes: Are you still there?_**

 ** _Steve: Yes_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Good_**

There's a long silence, Steve not knowing what to respond with

 _ **Steve: Is there a time that you want it by?**_

 ** _SGTBarnes: No_**

 ** _Steve: Really? Usually customers have a time contraint_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Quality over quickness :)_**

He chuckles a bit.

 _ **Steve: Ok, well I've got an art history test I need to study for. DM me if you have any more questions or requests**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: Sounds good, goodnight angel**_

 _ **Steve: g'night**_

Angel? What in god's name was that supposed to mean? He tries to shrug it off before going to reach for his textbook. That guy may be weird, but he's willing to pay double what he was asking for. No use in dwelling on it. He opens the book and starts to study, the thought of the commissioner and Bucky being pushed to the back of his mind.

 **I genuinely can't tell if this is good or not. I'm so nervous to be posting on here again (yes I have another account but its not for marvel). Please leave a comment below! I would really appreciate some constructive feedback!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again! So I know last chapter wasn't great, writing intros are not my best quality, but I hope this one can make up for it :) Also, sorry this chapter is so late, I got slammed with homework but now I'm on Spring Break so hopefully I can update more this week!**

* * *

 _Steve's POV_

"I still don't understand why your mom didn't just pay for you to go to art school." Nat comments as she and Steve walk through the busy courtyard and towards the food hall.

"Because she wants me to have other skills outside art." He mumbles as they quickly stop to let a girl who clearly overslept sprint past them towards the science building.

"Other skills? Has she seen your schedule? The least artsy thing you take is photography." She remarks. Steve shrugs as they walk into the cafeteria and get some food.

"I'm probably gonna take a writing class next year, maybe get some story commission along with the art ones."

"Oh, speaking of those, how are those going? Have you gotten any new ones?"

"I haven't been getting that many recently, but I did just get one last night."

"Oh, cool, how much are you charging?"

"I wanted to do 125, but he insisted 250."

Nat drops her fork in shock, "Shut the fuck up Rogers."

He chuckles and shakes his head, "I'm dead serious."

"Did they say why?"

"Hold on, let me find the chat." He says as he goes onto his phone and scrolls through the chat, "His exact words were 'Only 125? Your art should be in the' sorry, ' _a_ museum its so good! I won't pay anything less than 250'" He quotes as Nat chuckles a bit.

"Someone has a secret admirer."

"Heh, not so secret..." He mutters, he smile now faded as he read the end of the conversation again. She notices his change in attitude and frowns.

"What's wrong?"

He looks up at her and shakes his head, "I-Its nothing-"

She pulls his phone out of his hands and reads the last couple of text boxes, "He called you an angel?"

Steve quickly takes his phone back and jams it in his pocket.

"He's paying me twice what I asked for... he can call me whatever he wants..." He mumbles, going red in the face. She watches him suspiciously.

"Have you met anyone weird lately? Like... anyone that just made you uncomfortable?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Because I know stalker-like behavior when I see it, you know about what I've been through... "

"No one's stalking me Natasha."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

"But you didn't answer my-"

Steve grabs his tray and stands up, walking over to a different table and continuing to eat, passive-aggressively refusing to look in her direction. She sighs and walks over to him. He's about to stand up again until she pushes him back down onto the seat, "Stay."

He doesn't look up as he mutters, "No one's stalking me."

"So I take it you did run into someone shady?"

He sighs and takes a sip of his water, "Just a socially awkward guy that tried to hit on me in a coffee shop yesterday. I think he just panicked and accidentally came off really forward."

"Forward?"

"Well, first off, he's 31 and wasn't scared off by the fact I'm 19. Then when he asked me to do something, I told him about Peggy and he kept trying to figure out the 'real' reason I said no. Eventually he left. I haven't seen him since."

"He just left?"

"Yeah." Steve says quickly, not wanting to continue the conversation. Nat looks at him for a couple more seconds, before sighing and letting it go.

"Speaking of Peggy, when's she getting back? I'm starting to miss that spitfire." Nat comments.

"Her dad's still recovering from his surgery. She'll be back in about a week."

"Another week? Hasn't she been gone for a month?"

"Yeah."

"Is her dad going to be okay-"

"Yeah, can we not talk about this?"

"Fine."

They sit in silence for a couple minutes, before Steve's phone goes off. 1 new message from...

"Oh shit..."

"What?" Nat asks curiously as she looks over at his phone.

"SGTBarnes just asked me to get some coffee..."

"What are you going to say?"

"I'm in a happy, healthy relationship, what do you think?" He questions sarcastically.

"Okay, geez, I was just making sure."

Steve rolls his eyes before responding.

 ** _Steve: Thanks for the offer, but I'm actually in a relationship_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Please! No one has to know, I just want to meet up and talk, you seem like a really nice guy._**

 ** _Steve: Wait, you wanted it to be platonic?_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Yeah, I just want to talk and see how far you've gotten with the work_**

 ** _Steve: Oh, well then I guess we could. Do you live in Brooklyn?_**

 ** _Steve: Or anywhere in New York really_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Brooklyn :)_**

 ** _Steve: Okay, cool, does the Starbucks in the shopping center near the college campus around 2:15 sound good?_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Of course_**

 ** _Steve: Then I'll see you thdre_**

 ** _Steve: *there_**

He looks up and notices Nat staring at him.

"That seemed a little long just to say no."

"He said he just wants it to be platonic."

"How do you think Peggy would react if she found out you were going out to get coffee with a guy you're doing a porn commission for and called you his angel?"

"You underestimate her-"

"She shot you with a BB gun for accidentally kissing another girl."

"Are you really going to tell her?" Steve questions, a hint of betrayal in his voice. Nat sighs and shakes her head.

"Not if you let me go with you."

"Go with me?"

"I won't butt into your conversation. I'll just be on my phone keeping an eye on you."

He rolls his eyes, "And then you'll leave me alone?"

"Promise."

"Fine." He sighs before going onto his phone to text the commissioner.

 _ **Steve: Hey, is it alright if I bring my friend tomorrow?**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: No**_

 _ **Steve: What do you mean 'no'?**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: I just want it to be us**_

 _ **Steve: She's just going to be on her phone the entire time**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: Can't she do that alone?  
**_

 ** _SGTBarnes: I just really want some alone time with you_**

 ** _Steve: Okay... I'll just lie and say you canceled_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Really?_**

 ** _Steve: Sure_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Thank you so much!  
_**

 ** _Steve: No problem :)_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: See you tomorrow angel_**

Steve stares at his phone for a bit. The word 'angel' just unsettled him. But this guy seemed harmless enough, he was going to be close to the school. It was going to be fine.

"So,where am I going with you tomorrow?" Nat questions as Steve looks up at her and shakes his head.

"Actually he just canceled."

"Really?"

"Yeah... apparently he forgot about a doctor's appointment."

"Oh. Well since you're free, want to get some lunch?"

"Would an early lunch work?"

"Sure, why?"

"I think I might want to stop by and say hi to my mom tomorrow afternoon, maybe get dinner with her." He lies. He felt bad using his lonely widowed mother as an alibi to go meet up with some slightly unnerving guy from the internet, but that was the only believable excuse he could think of in the moment. Maybe he would stop by her apartment afterwards. Either way he was lying to the world's best lie detector, praying she wouldn't catch on. He begins to pack up, trying to keep his gaze on his backpack.

"Oh, well say hi to her for me."

He stands up and throws it over his shoulder, "Will do."

He quickly walks out and pulls out his phone again, looking at the chat and swallowing hard. He had a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, like something wasn't right. It was probably just unjustified paranoia, so he slides his phone back into his pocket and head towards his next lecture, unconsciously glancing over his shoulder.

 _Bucky's POV_

He couldn't believe it. It was too good to be true. After finding out his angel's name was Steve Rogers. He did some research and found his personal instagram, which lead him to an art account, which then lead him to his Tumblr. And now thanks to that they were reuniting, and now Steven even lied to his friend for him! He sighs happily and begins to look through Steven's instagram once again, using his thumb to block out his girlfriend in the pictures she was in.

"Peggy, huh?" He mutters as he looks at the 1-year-anniversary picture Steve had posted not too long ago. He did admit she was really pretty and seemed to treat him well, but Bucky would treat him better. He glares at the picture for a bit longer before turning off his phone and rolling over in his bed, trying to get some rest. Tomorrow was a big day.

* * *

 **Again, I'm so sorry this is so late. I'm going to try and update at _least_ once a week from now on, like I said I got absolutely slammed with homework the last 2 weeks. Anyways, I hope this chapter was a little better than the last one, I'll see you guys soon**


	3. Chapter 3

_Bucky's POV_

He had made sure to get to the coffee shop 10 minutes early. He orders for Steve. A medium vanilla latte and a blueberry scone, the same thing his angel ordered when they first met. He sits down and waits, slowly sipping his own drink as he stared at the door. Waiting. He looks down at his phone impatiently, seeing that Steve was already 6 minutes late. He goes onto Tumblr and quickly messages him.

 _ **Bucky: Where r u?**_

There's a good 6 minute delay before Steve finally answers.

 _ **Angel: Family emergency**_

 _ **Angel: Have to cancel**_

 _ **Angel: sorry last minute**_

Bucky clenches his fist, anger rising in his throat. Today. TODAY HE HAD TO HAVE A FUCKING FAMILY EMERGENCY. NOT JUST TODAY BUT RIGHT BEFORE THEY MET UP?

 _ **Bucky: What happened?**_

It better be pretty damn important.

Steve responds after another 13 minutes.

 ** _Angel: My mom just got the flu. I'm at her apartment taking care of her_**

His angel's weak old mom decided her immune system didn't want to work anymore and now his coffee date was canceled. He mentally added Steve's mother to the same list Peggy was on.

 ** _Bucky: How old is your mom?_**

 ** _Angel: 41_**

For some reason that age clicked in his mind, he couldn't figure out why.

 ** _Bucky: Your mom is 41 and has a 19 y/o son?_**

 ** _Angel: Um, yes_**

 ** _Bucky: Slut_**

 _Steve's POV_

Slut? Did this guy just call his mother a fucking slut? Steve clenches his jaw angrily, nearly shaking with rage as he read the word over and over.

 ** _Steve: Excuse you?_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: I'm the oldest in my family and my mother had me when she was 36_**

 ** _Steve: Why does that fucking msttef?_**

 ** _Steve: *matter_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Because my angel shouldn't have been a mistake_**

 ** _Steve: I wasn't a mistake you fucking creep_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Who wants a kid at 22?_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: And I'm not a creep, I just love you_**

Steve tries to control his breathing, glaring at the screen. He didn't even know how to respond, especially to the second part. Nat was right. He shouldn't have said yes to meeting up. And he also couldn't help the paranoia that something wasn't what it seemed.

"Steven?" Steve looks up from his phone and turns around, seeing his mother walking up to him in concern, "Are you alright?"

"Y-Yeah, you should go lay down. I'll get you some water-"

"I don't need water. I'm asking you again if you're alright." Sarah insists as Steve nods again.

"Yes, I'm just a little stressed out with classes is all." He lies with a reassuring smile. She sighs and goes up to her son, tilting his chin up and brushing the hair out of his face.

"You're looking more and more like your father everyday." She murmurs, giving him a tearful smile. Steve chuckles a bit and shakes his head.

"Dad was in the military. I'm a scrawny art major."

"I know... but your face." Sarah scans his face carefully, tracing it with her thumb gently, "Your nose... your jaw... the proportions all match up..."

Steve gives her a sad smile.

"I miss him too mom."

She takes a shaky breath and holds him close.

"T-This year would've been our 20th wedding anniversa-"

"Hey mom?" Steve cuts her off before gently pulling away, "I'm sorry but I really don't want to think about dad right now..."

"What?" She questions in disbelief.

"I mean, I still miss him and all... but there are times when I'm feeling nostalgic and times when I'm not and I...I just don't really want to think about this right now. Plus I know you're just getting a little emotional because you're sick..." He says carefully. Sarah tears up a bit and backs away.

"O-Oh, okay..."

"I'm sorry-"

"No, no, I understand... I get it..."

Steve gives his mother a sad smile, before feeling his phone buzz in his pocket.

"How about we get you back to bed." He says, not bothering to look at his phone as it buzzed again.

"Steven I've rested enough-"

"You've got the flu mom. You need to get better."

Sarah rolls her eyes and smiles.

"Where was that caution when you ate a raw egg on a dare and got salmonella?"

Steve blushes furiously, "I was peer pressured into drinking at that party. Plus I was 13 and an idiot."

Sarah shakes her head in mock-shame.

"I still can't believe the son _I_ raised got drunk when he was 13."

Steve reciprocates his mother's eye roll as his phone buzzed once more in his pocket.

"I have to go do some homework. I'll check up on you tomorrow." He says as his phone keeps buzzing. Sarah goes up and hugs him gently, before pulling away and cupping his face, kissing him on the forehead.

"You still look like your father." She says with a light grin, before Steve steps away with a well meaning smirk.

"Bye mom."

The teen grabs his jacket and steps out into the hallway. He takes out his earbuds and puts them in his ears. He pulls out his phone to turn on Spotify when noticing 12 new messages from SGTBarnes. He frowns at the notifications before turning on the music and opening up Tumblr.

 _ **SGTBarnes: So sorry I called your mom a slut**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: If she raised you she must be an amazing person**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: I hope she feels better**_

 _ ***after 30 seconds***_

 _ **SGTBarnes: Hello?**_

 ** _SGTBarnes: Love?_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Please respond_**

 ** _*after 15 seconds*_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Stop ignoring me_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Steve?_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Steve answer_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: ? ? ?_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: ANSWER_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Please_**

Steve raises an eyebrow. He half didn't want to respond, but soon remembered this guy was paying 250 dollars for a non-time constricted commission. He honestly couldn't afford to lose that.

 _ **Steve: I was at my mom's**_

 _ **Steve: And how do you...**_

He stops typing when he notices SGTBarnes start to type. He backspaces and waits for the response.

 _ **SGTBarnes: How is she?**_

 _ **Steve: Fine. How do you know my name? I didn't tell you**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: I found your art account on ig**_

Steve blinked a couple of times. How did he find his art account. The blood drains from his face when he realizes he could find his personal account from the art one and quickly logs onto instagram and changes his personal from public to private. He didn't want this guy snooping around his personal life. He goes back to the Tumblr DM and reads over their last couple of conversations again.

 ** _SGTBarnes: So are we still on for coffee?_**

 ** _Steve: No_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Why not?_**

 ** _Steve: Because you called my mother a slut_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: I apologized!_**

 ** _Steve: And you promised it would be platonic but then said you loved me, I don't fucking know you_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Please just meet with me and give me a chance_**

 ** _Steve: I told you I have a girlfriend!_**

 ** _SGTBarnes: Oh come on, do relationships at 19 really last?_**

Steve doesn't respond to that. He angrily jams his phone back into his pocket and makes his way back to his dorm, ignoring the rapid buzzing in his pocket.

 _Bucky's POV_

Steven was starting to get on his nerves. Why wouldn't he just accept his love? He tries to go back onto his sweetie's instagram and is dismayed by the fact that its now private. That didn't matter though. He just needed to find out where his angel went to high school, find someone who he wasn't very close with but still knew, and impersonate them to get the request accepted. It really wasn't that difficult.

* * *

 **Why am I not surprised that once I said I was gonna try and post once a week, I took even longer to post than before. Anyways I'm so sorry! Homework was created by the devil as a way to punish hardworking stupids that take high level classes. Also I know this chapter was also a little short, but to be fair I wrote 80% of this chapter in a burst of creativity through my writers block from 10:40 pm to... its 3:04 am right now. Anyways I love you guys and thanks for tuning in!**


	4. Chapter 4

_Steve's POV_

When Steve woke up the next morning and checked his phone, the absolute last thing he thought he'd see was a request from Iam Groot to follow him on Instagram. He had nearly forgot the guy had existed. They were barely acquaintances in middle and high school. He never really had a problem with the guy, they just never really fell in the same group of friends. Or in Steve's case lack there of. He goes onto the account and notices there were no pictures, but at the same time Iam was following a lot of their other former classmates, so he shrugs it off and presses accept before putting his phone down and getting ready for the day. Just as he peels off his shirt he gets a knock at the door, making him jump.

"Wh-Who is it?" He stammers, scrambling to throw his shirt back on. The door unlocked and he gasped as it swung open, "Peggy?!"

Peggy sets down her bag and chuckles as Steve tackles her into a hug, still shirtless.

"Hello darling." She murmurs, hugging back gently. Steve pulls away and goes to put his shirt on.

"I thought you weren't coming back for another 5 days!"

"I got an early flight, I really needed to get back. You don't understand just _how_ rainy it is in London." She looks Steve up and down with a grin, "And I missed you."

Steve smiles and goes up to her, leaning up to kiss her. She leans down and their lips lock sweetly, after a couple of seconds Peggy pulls away and pulls her bags into the room before closing the door behind her.

"How have you been?" She questions with a smile, before noticing some of her lipstick rubbed off on Steve's lips, making her laugh. Steve tries to wipe it off in vain before sitting on his bed and smiling up at her.

"Not bad, how about you? How's your family doing?"

"Oh they're all fine. What about your mother?"

"She's caught the flu, I went over to see her yesterday and she seems to be holding up."

"Oh, well I hope she feels better soon."

Steve smiles at her and gently pulls her onto the bed, kissing her again.

"I missed you so much..."

Peggy gives him a sad smile and presses their foreheads together;

"I missed you too."

They stay like that for a bit, grinning widely before Steve's phone buzzes rapidly, making him groan and look over.

"Who is it?" Peggy questions curiously as Steve's eyes scan the screen.

"Its... its nothing."

She frowns at him. He sighs before showing her his screen.

 _ **SGTBarnes: How's the commission going?**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: Can I see the progress?**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: Have you started coloring yet?**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: Is it how I asked?**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: I want the angel to be bound in a specific way**_

 _ **SGTBarnes: I can send a reference if u want**_

"Is this your commissioner?"

"Yeah."

"He's coming on a bit strong don't you think?" She questions as Steve nearly laughs.

"You have no idea."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Don't worry, its nothing." He tries to assure. Peggy looks at him suspiciously.

"Can I see what you've gotten done?" She questions as Steve nods and goes to his computer. He logs on and goes to his art program and pulls up one of the many tabs. Peggy walks up behind him and places her head on his shoulder as he clicks on it and the commission appears. The brunette's eyes widen as they land on the half done drawing, "Ummm, Steve?"

"Yeah?" He questions as he pulls out his drawing pad and begins to add a little more shading to the slightly opened lips.

"Why does that look like you?" She asks, her brown eyes scanning over the lustful gaze of the angel as he looked up at a man out of frame, his strong hand cupping his cheeck. Steve shrugs a bit.

"He said he wanted a small, pale, blonde haired blue eyed angel. Plus he doesn't know what I look like so its not like he'll know its me."

"Okay... but why didn't you just draw a generic white boy?" He shrugs again, Peggy frowns and continues to look at the drawing, "So you didn't find it at all strange drawing yourself in women's lingerie, arms locked behind your back with metal restraints, and kneeling in front of an off screen person with a look at looks like you want him to drill you into the ground?"

"Peg, this is my work that I'm getting paid for. Just let me do it."

"I know but-"

"But what?"

"Steve, I don't want anything to happen to you."

Steve frowns at that a bit;

"I'm 19 Peggy, stop treating me like I'm a naive 12 year old. God you and Nat just have to leave me alone and trust me."

She frowns back, crossing her arms;

"Sometimes you _act_ like a naive 12 year old-"

"Fuck off." He snarls as Peggy glares at him.

"Fine." She turns around to grab her bags, "I'll talk to when you stop PMSing."

"I'll do the same with you." He quips back as Peggy slams the door behind her. Steve sighs angrily before picking up his phone and snapping a picture of the work and sending it to the commissioner.

 _ **Steve: Here's what I have so far**_

 _Bucky's POV_

He was scrolling through Steve's art instagram with a smile when he gets a notification of a sent photo and message. He quickly goes to Tumblr and nearly moans in delight at the grainy picture. His angel drew himself. This was a dream come true.

 _ **Bucky: This is fucking incredible**_

 _ **Bucky: When is it going to be done?**_

 _ **Angel: Hopefully in the next 24 hours :)**_

 _ **Bucky: That's so great, thank you**_

 _ **Angel: Well you are paying me double what I asked for**_

 _ **Bucky: Consider it tripled**_

Okay, he may have been a little _too_ generous with that statement. But his angel deserved it. He deserved the world. There was a good 3 minute delay before the next response.

 ** _Angel: I can't accept that. I'm sorry that's too much for a commissioned art piece done by a 19 y/o_**

 ** _Bucky: No I want you to have it_**

 ** _Angel: I can throw in another work? Or maybe a story to go with the picture_**

 ** _Angel: I just can't accept almost 400_**

 ** _Bucky: Take it_**

 ** _Angel: I genuinely can't_**

 ** _Bucky: Take it or I'll cancel the commission altogether_**

Even though it was grainy, he could definitely get by on that picture. Maybe even commission someone else to finish it. There was another minute long pause before Steve finally responds.

 ** _Angel: I'll have it done in 2 hours_**

 ** _Bucky: Take your time, I want it to be good_**

 ** _Angel: 2 hours_**

He nods a bit before closing the app and going onto Instagram again and smiling as he looked through Steve's work. After staring at each work for a good 2 minutes each, he decides to go onto his angel's personal account. For all Steve knew, he was his former classmate.

"Oh sweetie... you're so cliche." He chuckles softly, very slowly scrolling through the artsy shots of sunsets and rain, his group of college friends, things like that. After about an hour and a ton of semi-unnecessary pictures later he gets to Steve's high school graduation picture. He grins widely at that, seeing how much Steve beamed as he held his diploma with a caption that said 'I'm so sorry about that video'. The next post was the video. He watches it without hesitation.

*Shaky camera quickly pulls away from Steve's face as people cheer in the background*

"WOOOOO! I JUST GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL!" He exclaims excitedly, holding up his diploma and waving it excitedly, "I just wanna thank absolutely no one at this school except for Mr. Phillips and Mr. Erskine! You two were the best! Oh and Mr. Pierce can go to hell!"

"Steven!" A voice yells in the background as Steve laughs and turns around, seeing a man in about his late 50's squeezing through the crowd towards him.

"Oh come on Erskine! The guy's a Nazi." He argues as the teacher looks at the camera before rolling his eyes and smiling. 

"I will not confirm nor deny that statement." 

Steve laughs before waving his teacher goodbye as he left;

"I'll miss you buddy!"

"I'll miss you too!"

He laughs again before looking down at the camera;

"Anyway, I do really want to thank mom, you really couldn't have done any better, especially as a single parent. Thank you. I love you so much." He smiles before the camera turns off.

Bucky smiles a bit at the ending as well. He guessed Steve's mother really was amazing. He notices the video had 2 comments and tapped them curiously.

 ** _Sarogers76: I love you too sweetie. I wish your father could see you now, he would be so proud_**

 ** _Angel: sarogers76 I know :)_**

He raises an eyebrow at that. Was Steve's father dead? He nearly shakes in anger. Steve was so good, why would the universe take away his father? He grits his teeth before continuing to scroll through, making a mental note to find out how and when his angel's father died. He keep scrolling and realizes that Steve posted a lot more now then he did in high school. After about another 15 minutes he stumbles on a picture that makes his blood run cold.

"No..." He mumbles in denial, quickly throwing down his phone and backing away. He takes a couple deep breaths before warily picking the phone back up and staring at a picture in absolute horror.

It was a very cute picture of a Polaroid. Steve looked around 7 or 8, smiling widely as he held up a fish on a fishing rod. But that wasn't the part of the picture he cared about. It was the man next to him that sent chills throughout his body. He quickly reads the caption '5 years ago today. I love you dad.'

"Lieutenant Rogers...?" He whimpers. No... Steve couldn't be...

 _"I've got a son back home. Sweetest little boy you'll ever meet."_

Fuck.

* * *

 **Yikes, so I know the Bucky part was sorta jumbled, but I needed to set this part up. Anyway, if the last part needs any clarification, basically if you know anything about Steve's dad then you know that (in the movies at least) he died via mustard gas during WW1 before Steve was born. So since Joseph Rogers was in the military and only 10 years older than Bucky, who is in the military... you get the point. There's gonna be a lot more backstory on that but that's the gist of right now. Also the 5 year anniversary thing was posted 2 years ago and the picture was the one from an Avengers Assemble episode called "House of Zemo". I'm being deadass when I say I almost cried at that episode. Speaking of crying, I saw Infinity War and my entire being hurts.**


	5. Chapter 5

_**Bagdhad, Iraq: 2010**_

 _A group of young soldiers were chatting excitedly in the middle of a couple of barracks. New recruits for the war in Iraq. It was nearly 100 degrees out but they all remained fully clothed in an attempt to impress the higher ups that were bound to come over at any minute. One of the men was Bucky, A bright eyed, short haired, baby faced Bucky. He was making small talk with another soldier next to him before a whistle blew and they all straightened up as 2 men walked up to them. He notes one of them that seemed different. The first one reminded him of his drill sergeant at boot camp. Disapproving looks, arms folded behind his backs, and a face that screamed I'm your superior. But the other one was different. Not only was he much younger, probably only a couple years older than him, and he just gave off this extremely warm and friendly demeanor, smiling at the recruits instead of glaring. Yeah, this guy was definitely new to a position of power._

 _"Stand at attention!" The clear leader snarls as they all straighten up, "I'm Colonel Phillips, I assume your drill sergeant back home told you I was in charge of your unit?"_

 _"Yes sir!" All the recruits bark in unison._

 _"That's good, you listen." Colonel Phillips looks over at the other man, who stepped up a bit, "This is Lieutenant Rogers, he'll be the one in charge of you on the daily. Waking you up on time, those sorts of things."_

 _"Like a babysitter?" One of the recruits questions as they all look over at him, "We're adults, we don't need a guy barely older than us telling us what to do."_

 _Lieutenant Rogers raises an eyebrow before walking over to the soldier._

 _"What's your name?" He questions, all of the sudden much more intimidating. It was almost like he flipped an internal switch from friendly civilian to soldier._

 _"Gilmore Hodge sir." The soldier answers, saying 'sir' with a mocking tone. Obviously very proud of himself, he smirks a bit. Lieutenant Rogers straightens up a bit more and nearly chuckles._

 _"You really think sassing your commanding officer is a good idea on the first day?" He questions, getting really close to the younger man's face._

 _"What are ya gonna do about it?" Hodge quips back with a smirk. Rogers just smiles and doesn't break eye contact._

 _"I wake you up every morning. I assign chores and control your exercise regimen. And don't you think for a damn second I'm not going to wake you up before dawn and have you run double the amount the others do, and then do the same in the evening every day until you straighten yourself out." He warns with a surprisingly calm voice. Hodge quickly breaks eye contact and Bucky couldn't help but grin a little. That was impressive._

 _"Yes sir." He mumbles, keeping his eyes glued to the floor. Rogers nods and takes a step back._

 _"I thought so."_

 _Colonel Phillips watches with a wide grin;_

 _"And this is why we put him in charge of you men."_

 _Rogers chuckles and walks back over to the colonel. Bucky watches with a small blush. God he hated his homosexuality sometimes. He couldn't help it, men were just cute. And that one was the cutest. And the way he told off Hodge holy shit. Lieutenant laughs at something Colonel Phillips says and turns slightly as Bucky's heart nearly stops. His gaydar was beeping. His gaydar was fucking beeping._

 **New York: Present**

Bucky needed to see Steve again. Not just the instagram pictures, not just DMing on Tumblr, no. He needed to physically be near him, to hold him close and tell him his father was the best person he ever had the pleasure of meeting. Steve needed to comforted and loved. Bucky quickly goes onto Tumblr and goes to his DM.

 _ **Bucky: Hi, so I was thinking that since you want to get me the piece really early, we could just meet up and I could pay you in person, then maybe go out for lunch**_

Bucky's genuinely surprised at how fast Steve gets back to him.

 ** _Angel: I'm free around 4?_**

 ** _Angel: Want to meet up at the diner a couple blocks down from the coffee shop we first thought of?_**

 ** _Bucky: That sounds amazing. Thank you so much._**

 ** _Angel: :)_**

The brunette couldn't fight back the smile forming on his lips. He also couldn't help the tears of joy forming in his eyes. He was going to see his angel again in less than 2 hours. He had to get ready. He had to take a shower, straighten his hair- or maybe just let it stay wavy? No, it looked better straight. Oh! Maybe straighten it but put it up in a bun- God he was just so excited.

 _Steve's POV_

"So let me get this straight. You're going out to eat with some creepy dude you met on the internet just to spite your girlfriend who _just_ got back from a stressful vacation and only wants what's best for you?" Sam questions as he plays around with a football and stares at Steve in surprise.

"Yes." He responds through gritted teeth and he lifts up his shirt and slathers his underarms with deodorant.

"Man, you're a petty little twink." He laughs as Steve turns around and shoots him a glare, but doesn't respond.

"Don't call me a twink." He mumbles as he leans over his desk to unplug his laptop.

"Hey, I only say the truth."

"Well the truth is that I don't like you calling me a twink." Steve quips back, before grabbing his phone and going over to the mirror to comb his hair a bit. Sam looks at him with a concerned frown.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He questions as Steve sighs.

"I already canceled once, it'd be rude to do it again."

"So what? Make something up."

Steve groans and looks at Sam through the mirror;

"But I already told him I could go, and I can't cancel a half hour before."

"You're too polite Cap."

"For the love of god can you stop calling me that." Steve groans as Sam laughs.

"As soon as I forget the time you got drunk on Captain Morgan at Stark's party, I'll stop calling you that." He grins as Steve slides his laptop into it's bag and slings it over his shoulder.

"Bye Sam." He says before walking out the door and closing it behind him. He takes a deep breath before putting in his earbuds and walking to the elevator and pressing the button to go to the ground floor. He walks out onto campus, and then out onto the street towards the diner. He feels a buzz in his pocket and pulls out his phone to see a text from Nat.

 _ **Nat: Hey, u want to go see a movie? I know neither of us have classes today**_

 _ **Steve: Sure, can we catch one around 6?**_

 ** _Nat: I was thinking more like 4:30, I'm bored now :P_**

 ** _Steve: Sorry, I'm actually busy atm_**

 ** _Steve: Sam's in my room if you want to go with him_**

 ** _Nat: Ur busy? Doing what?_**

 ** _Steve: Going out to eat_**

 ** _Nat: By urself?_**

 ** _Steve: Peg and I got into a fight earlier_**

 ** _Steve: Just want to be alone_**

 ** _Nat: I guess that makes sense_**

 ** _Nat: Want me to meet u?_**

 ** _Steve: No its ok_**

 ** _Nat: U sure? I wont tell her anything u said_**

 ** _Steve: It's fine :)_**

 ** _Nat: Ok, I guess Ill see u at 6_**

 ** _Steve: Sounds good_**

Steve shoves his phone back into his pocket before continuing on his walk.

 _Bucky's POV_

Bucky looks around and fixes his collar as he impatiently waits for Steve. He was 20 minutes early, but he just wanted to make sure he beat his angel there. He glances down at his watch and sees it's 3:48. He taps his foot and begins to bite his nails, nervous and excited all at once. That's when he saw him. Steve was wearing a pair of jeans, gym shoes, and a blue T-shirt that showed off his pale skinny arms. His heart flutters and he straightens up a bit, before pulling out his phone and texting Steve.

 ** _Bucky: I'm standing outside, the one with the bun and leather jacket_**

He watches as Steve pulls out his phone and reads it, before looking up and their eyes meet. Bucky grins widely, but Steve freezes in place like a dear in headlights.

"Steven! Over here!" He chirps, instead of responding, Steve takes a step back before turning around and sprinting away, "Steven wait!" He begins to chase after him. After about 15 seconds Bucky grabs Steve's arm and pulls him back, "Why did you try to run away?" He asks, hurt. Steve takes a couple of deep breaths before digging into his bag and pulling out an inhaler. He quickly uses it before holding his chest in pain.

"A-Are you alright?" He asks in concern as Steve stumbles away.

"What the fuck?! How did you get my Tumblr?!" He snarls, still trying to recover from his asthma attack.

"Well, w-when your bag fell in the cafe I noticed your binder said your name. S-So I looked you up and found... I-I'm so sorry." Bucky stammers, bright red, "Y-You're just so pretty...just like your father."

* * *

 **Hey everyone! Is it bad that I'm proud of myself for posting this soon even though its been 12 days? Probably, but summer's coming and the plot's starting to pick up so expect more updates soon! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

_Steve's POV_

Steve didn't know how to respond. His brain barely even registered the words;

"What did you just say?" He mutters quietly, staring at Bucky with eyes as wide as saucers.

"Your father. Lieutenant Joseph Rogers, 107th Infantry. I-" Bucky cuts himself off before digging into his bag and pulling out a purple heart, "I was on the same base as him! I fought with him in the battle he..." He trails off before looking down and running his thumb over the shiny medal. Steve continues to stare at him.

"Y-You knew my father?"

Bucky swallows hard and slides the medal back into his pocket;

"Y-Yes..."

Steve takes a step back and his breath quickens;

"I-Is that why you wouldn't leave me alone? Because you knew my father?"

Bucky shakes his head;

"I didn't know you were his son at the time. But I thought you were just so pretty... now I know why." He gently lifts Steve's chin up and cups his cheek with his hand, "You have his face."

He pulls his head back and moves away a bit. Bucky was trying to be sweet, but it definitely came off more creepy than anything else.

"I appreciate it, really, but I need to redo a little bit of the commission." Steve states, finally realizing Bucky would know that he drew the angel as himself.

"Why? I'm sure its incredibl-"

"I just need to change up the face a bit now that I think about it-"

"But your face is perfect." Bucky interrupts with a smile. Steve's blood runs cold. Right. He already sent the progress picture, "Come on, lets go inside and get something to eat. We can look at the art together and I can pay you."

Steve blushes hard at that. He really didn't want to look at it with Bucky, _especially_ in a public setting. Not that he wanted to be in a private setting with him either;

"O-Okay."

"Great!" Bucky chirps as they walk back over to the diner, Steve's hand wrapped around his phone in case he needed to make a quick excuse to leave.

They get inside and sit down as a waitress walks over to them, Steve lights up when he sees her;

"Hi Angie." He greets as she hands them a couple of menus and smiles back at him.

"Steve! I haven't seen you in forever, how've you been?"

"Pretty good, lonely the past month with Peggy out of town."

"Oh yeah I'll bet, how long until she comes back?"

"She actually got back early, she flew in this morning." Steve explains as Angie perks up.

"Really? Oh well if you don't mind I might steal her when my shift is over."

They both laugh a bit and Steve nods.

"Yeah, I think she missed you too."

She looks over and notices Bucky awkwardly watching them.

"Oh who's this?"

"Oh, this is Bucky, he's one of my commissioners." He explains as Bucky holds out his hand, which Angie shakes.

"Right, your art thingys. Hi I'm Angie Martinelli, his girlfriend is one of my best friends." She introduces as Bucky nods.

"James Barnes, I only let some people call me Bucky." He says as Angie raises an eyebrow.

"Sure... anyways what can I get for you two?"

"Can I just have a strawberry banana smoothie?" Steve questions as Angie nods and writes it down.

"Sure thing, what about for you?" She questions, turning to Bucky.

"Yeah, an order of mozzarella sticks for the table and a cheeseburger with everything on it?" He asks as she writes that down as well, "Anything to drink?"

"Just a water is fine." He responds as she writes that down as well before taking the menus back.

"Okay, you're orders'll be right up." She says before walking back towards the kitchen, leaving the two alone. Bucky moves over to Steve's side of the booth;

"So do you want to show me the work now? I've got the..." He trails off, reaching into his bag and pulling out a very impressive wad of cash, handing it to Steve, who stared at it in shock, taking it gently.

"Y-Yeah... just give me a minute, I'll show you after all the food gets here."

Bucky frowns a bit;

"But I want to see it now."

"I know but I don't want her to come back and see-"

"One strawberry banana smoothie and one wat...er..." Angie says as she comes back, noticing they were on the same side of the booth. Steve chuckles nervously;

"Just...Just don't question it."

The waitress giggles a bit and shakes her head;

"As long as you aren't being disloyal." She says before tapping Bucky on the shoulder playfully, "You're mozzarella sticks and burger should be out soon."

"O-Okay... thank you." He mumbles as she walks away, "Okay now show me."

Steve sighs before pulling out his tablet and logging on, glancing around nervously. He goes into an nsfw folder and pulls up the commissions folder inside of it. He takes a deep breath before going to open it, but stops. He looks up at Bucky warily;

"You said the reason I'm attractive is because I have my father's face?"

"Yes." He responds impatiently. Steve flips the tablet over and places it face down on his lap, staring at Bucky straight in the eye.

"Did you have a crush on my father?"

"Of course I did! Just about every gay soldier on that platoon did! He was stunning! He was-"

Steve stands up and starts to leave, face burning.

"Hey! You have to show it to me-"

"I'll email it later." Steve snarls, not turning around. That is until an hand wraps around his wrist and yanks him back.

 _ **Bagdhad, Iraq: 2010**_

 _"Is it just me or Lieutenant scary in the best way possible?" Falsworth commented as Dum Dum perks up._

 _"Yes! The way he got all up in Hodge's face-"_

 _"Some of us are trying to sleep." Gabe groans from the top of his bunk, rolling over._

 _"And some of us are straight." Jim adds, giving the two a small glare, "You do you but I want to look Lieutenant in the eye tomorrow."_

 _"Just put in some earbuds." Falsworth dismisses as Bucky walks into the room, clearly freshly showered._

 _"What did I miss?"_

 _"Oh we're just talking about Rogers." Dum Dum explains as Bucky's face lights up._

 _"He's so hot right?!" He whisper yells like an excited little kid at a sleepover._

 _"Yes! I'd let him toss my salad any day of the-"_

 _"If I die young bury me in satin, lay me down on a, bed of roses." Jim sings, trying to tune them out as he fumbles with this ipod._

 _"Great song to sing the first night on a military base." A voice bemusedly interrupts as they all look up to see Lieutenant Rogers leaning on the doorway and watching them with a smirk._

 _"Oh! I-Is there something you need sir?" Bucky stammers, desperately hoping he didn't hear the first part of the conversation._

 _"No, I just like stopping by and getting to know the new recruits as soon as I can. Your dorm is the closest to mine." He chuckles slightly, "Can I come in?"_

 _"Of course sir-"_

 _"Sir's too formal. You call Colonel Phillips 'sir'." He interrupts as Bucky nods and looks over at the others nervously. Rogers laughs a bit and shakes his head, "Yikes, I'm sorry, I sound like the dad who's trying too hard to be cool."_

 _That gets a small laugh from all of them._

 _"Then what do we call you not-sir." Falsworth questions as Lieutenant chuckles a bit at that._

 _"I know I should say Rogers, but just call me Joseph if you want." He he lets out a large breath, "Wow now I really sound like a desperate parent. Which I guess makes sense." _

_"Why?" Dum Dum questions as Joseph looks over at him._

 _"I've got a son back home." He explains, smiling a bit to himself._

 _"Oh really? How old is he?" Bucky inquires._

 _"11, going on 12. He's the sweetest little boy you'll ever meet."_

 _"Wait, you have a 12 year old son? But you're so young." Falsworth comments as Joseph shrugs._

 _"My wife and I knew each other growing up and got married when we were 21, then we decided why wait and had a son a year later."_

 _"But didn't you want to live your life together before having kids?" Bucky questions, genuinely curious._

 _"We thought about it... but Steve's going to be out of the house by the time we're 40, so we get the majority of our lives to ourselves anyway." He explains, before shaking his head, "But enough about me, I want to know about you..."_

* * *

 **Wow, I updated in SIX DAYS?! The writing gods have blessed me on this fine day. But anyways, I know this'll kinda sound desperate but at this point I honestly don't really care; leave a comment down below! I honestly really love and appreciate all feedback so if you have some don't be afraid to share it! Anyways I love you guys and thanks so much for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone! So just a quick heads up, this story's gonna become rated M very soon.** **I felt like we're far enough in where the more *explicit* stuff can come into play, no actual sexy times in this chapter (which is why the rating hasn't changed yet), but there are some mentions and mild details. Anyways onto the chapter!**

* * *

 _Bucky's POV_

He couldn't let Steve leave. He just couldn't. So he pulls Steve back. He knew it was probably a bad idea but he didn't care to be honest.

"Stay." Bucky says sternly. Steve tries to pull his arm back, panic clear in his eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?" He snips, struggling and failing to pull away.

"I said stay." He warns, eyes darkening a bit. He hated scaring his angel, but it was the only way.

"Bucky let go." Steve hisses, continuing to struggle. A couple people notice and one of the waiters walks up to them.

"Is there a problem here?" He questions as Bucky finally lets go of Steve's arm;

"Not at all." He answers, looking over at Steve with a small smile. He doesn't return it.

"Yeah. I'm good." Steve dismisses, rubbing his wrist a bit where Bucky held onto it. Angie walks out with the food and spots the two of them, walking over to them in confusion.

"I, uh, I have your food. What's going on?" She questions, putting the plate on the table. Steve goes into his wallet and pulls out a 5 dollar bill, handing it to her;

"For my smoothie, keep the change, I was just leaving." He explains as she takes the bill.

"O-Okay, thanks. I'll see you later." She stutters as Steve walks out of the building, "Well, I have your food." She says, turning to Bucky, who shook his head.

"Not hungry anymore." He hands her 30 dollars, "Probably too much but just take it." He quickly tries to follow Steve out, but he was long gone in a crowd of people. He sighs in frustration before kicking the sidewalk in anger and storming back to his apartment. He gets inside and slams the door behind him. He paces back and forth for a little bit before clenching his jaw and punching the couch, causing the cushion to fly up and land on the coffee table, knocking over the tv remote and a couple of magazines.

"GODDAMMIT!" Bucky snarls, sitting down at the kitchen table and jamming his hands into his face. He shouldn't have mentioned the lieutenant. Why on Earth did he think that was a good idea?! Of course Steve would be creeped out by that. And grabbing his arm? He huffs in frustration as he thinks of all the better ways that meeting could have gone. He goes to his junk drawer and pulls out a notepad and pen, flipping past a couple of pros and cons lists before drawing a new one on a blank page.

"Pros... and cons..." He murmurs as he writes down the words. Those were the one dumb thing he allowed himself. He loved making pro and con lists.

"Pros... we got to see each other again." He mumbles as he writes it down, "I got to touch him..."

Those were the only pros he could think of. He moves over to the cons half and sighs before leaning down to write;

"Called him 'pretty' one to many times... Mentioned his father... Grabbed his arm..." He takes a deep breath before realizing something. This wasn't all his fault. Steve was just as at fault as he was, "Steven gave me attitude for being nice..." he scribbles that down quickly, "He didn't show me the piece that I paid _triple_ for..." He puts the pen and paper down, now just verbally ranting to himself, "He tried to fucking run away when he saw me- HE WALKED OUT ON OUR DATE!" He hisses even louder. He takes a couple of deep breaths before thinking back on their first encounter.

 _"You're so cute... are you doing anything later?"_

 _"I'm flattered, but I have a girlfriend..."_

 _"Is it because I'm 12 years older than you?"_

 _"No, its because I have a girlfriend-"_

 _"You like men, I'm never wrong about these things-"_

 _"Well I like women too, and I have a girlfriend. She's the one I'm drawing."_

Then it dawned on him. Bucky nearly laughs at how obvious it was now. Steve was in denial. He was in denial that he was gay, so he tried to hide it with a beard.

"Insecure." He mutters, leaning back in his chair. Steve was just insecure. He grins widely before standing up and going to fix the coffee table and put the couch cushion back in place, still smiling to himself. Oh what he would do for Steve to make him feel comfortable in his own skin. Whisper sweet nothings into the shy boy's ear. Slowly undress him, giving careful attention to every inch of his small frame. Lay gentle kisses across his pale shoulders and up his neck. Let him know he was loved, he was safe.

Bucky looks down and notices he was starting to harden just at the thought. He groans slightly as his mind finally wanders to the actual act. He would never just fuck Steve- oh no, he would make love. Sweet, passionate love. He would press his chest to the blonde's back and have a mirror set up so he could still see his face. Oh god just the thought of Steve's face made his dick stand at attention. Golden hair sticking to his face with sweat, beautiful stormy blue eyes glazed over, mouth open and panting loudly.

He stands there just thinking for a couple of moments until shaking his head and looking over at his phone on the counter, smiling a bit to himself.

 _Steve's POV_

Steve takes a deep breath as he gets back to his dorm, closing and locking the door behind him. He goes to his bed and sits down, feeling queasy. Bucky knew his father? Not just knew him, but was there when he died. He swallows hard before looking out the window, watching a couple people toss a frisbee and picnic out in the warm sun. There was a knock at the door that made him jump a bit.

"Who is it?"

"Peggy."

Steve gets up and unlocks the door, he walks back over to his bed and watches as the brunette walks in. She gives him a sad smile and closes the door behind her.

"Hello."

"Hi."

She sighs a bit and goes to sit next to him.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I was just stressed out from my month in hell, then *heh* you were right about the PMSing- just... I'm sorry I got mad." She mutters as Steve watches her and sighs.

"Me too... you we're right..." He mumbles as Peggy furrows her brows.

"How so?"

"I... and please don't get mad... I just met up with the commissioner about 20 minutes ago-"

"What?!" She interrupts, going from zero to one hundred in a matter of milliseconds.

"I regret it okay!" He quips back, "I really, really regret it."

Her expression softens again and turns more into a look of concern.

"What did he do?"

"He didn't- well you kinda need some background to the situation. I didn't want to tell you about it because you were already stressed out from your 'month of hell', but this older guy flirted with me a couple days ag-"

"What?! How much older?!"

"He said he was 31."

"A 31 year old man flirted with a 19 year old college student?"

"Well... yeah. And he was kind of assertive, but I was able to get him to back off." He explains as Peggy listens to him in extreme interest, "Anyway, he found out my name, looked me up and anonymously contacted me to do the piece."

"The one where you drew yourself?" She questions as Steve looks down sheepishly.

"Yes... then it didn't occur to me until we met up that he would know it was my face, but it was too late. Oh, also Angie says hi. She was our waitress." He adds as Peggy smiles slightly.

"Right I forgot to call her... Back to your story."

"He, um, made some weird advances. Then when I tried to leave he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go." He explains, keeping the part about his father to himself.

"Wait, Steve, do you have a... a _stalker_ -"

"I wouldn't call him a 'stalker'-"

"Then what would you call him?"

"Socially awkward and has a crush? Peg do you remember what I did when I first met you?" Steve questions as Peggy nearly chuckles at the memory, before going serious again.

"I highly doubt this man asked you if you were okay after walking into a door and he clammed up between saying 'good' and 'okay' so he just said 'I'm gay'."

Steve goes a dark red and looks down.

"Peg, he's not a stalker-"

"You don't know tha-"

"Stop!" He lashes out, chest heaving angrily, "I know you're just trying to look out for me but god fucking dammit Peggy! I don't have a fucking stalker!"

Peggy just glares at him before standing up;

"I came here to apologize." She hisses, before going towards the door. Steve sighs a bit and goes to put a hand on her shoulder.

"Wait..."

She stops, but doesn't turn around, hand still on the handle.

"I'm sorry..."

She opens the door and leaves swiftly, Steve swallowing hard and watching her go. Why does he keep lashing out at her? She doesn't deserve it. He walks back over to his bed and pulls out his phone.

 _ **Steve: I can catch a 5:15 movie if you want**_

 _ **Nat: Rly? What happnd to ur alone time?**_

 ** _Steve: I realized alone time didn't really help_**

 ** _Nat: oh_**

 ** _Nat: well we can talk if u want_**

 ** _Steve: I'm good but thanks :)_**

 ** _Nat: :)_**

* * *

 **I know this chapter ended kinda abruptly, but if it didn't then it would've been probably about 700 words longer, and tbh I didn't feel like writing that much more rn XD Also I'm on summer break so that either means I'm gonna update a lot more, or significantly less, it depends on how much my brain completely checks out XD (Also, like I said last time, I really appreciate any and all feedback, so don't be afraid to leave a comment!)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey guys! So yes, the rating _did_ change from T to M, there's not gonna be any actual sexy times in this chapter so there's not gonna be a warning. But from now on just be cautious of Bucky's POV.**

* * *

 _Steve's POV_

"Want some?" Steve nearly jumps as he's shaken out of his thoughts. He looks down and notices Natasha holding a bag of gummy bears in front of him.

"Oh, no thanks." He says quickly, taking a sip of his drink and looking up at the large movie screen. The theater was almost completely empty except for an older couple up front and a small family a few rows down. Nat furrows her brows in concern and looks at him.

"Is everything okay?" She questions as Steve perks up and looks at her.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He assures as she stares at him, unconvinced.

"Is it Peggy?"

"Wha-no! Just leave me alone I'm okay."

"You're lying-"

"Nat stop!" Steve snaps as the six other people in the theater turn to look at him. He sinks down into his seat, stewing in embarrassment, "Peggy's a part of it." He mutters quietly as Nat frowns a bit.

"What exactly has been going on between you two? Before she left you were fine."

"And while she was gone... This stupid fucking commissioner fucked everything up." Steve mutters angrily.

"The commissioner? Steve please don't tell me you-"

"Yes..."

"Steve what the hell?!" She snaps as the father of the family turns around.

"Can you two please quiet down?" He questions as Nat nods and waves him off.

"Yeah, sorry." She apologizes before looking back at Steve, "What happened when you met him?"

"W-Well... remember that guy I mentioned, the one that tried to flirt with me at the coffee shop?" He asks as Nat's eyes widen.

"No..."

"Yeah..."

"What did he do?"

"He, uh, he kept calling me 'pretty'... and then when I tried to leave he grabbed my arm and wouldn't let go... and..." He trails off, unsure whether or not he should tell Nat about his father.

"And what?" She questions, her voice dripping with concern.

"I-I don't really want to talk about it-"

"Steve, what happened." She pushes.

"Nat please I don't want to." He begs.

"Did he... did he touch you?"

"No, not that... even though I could tell he was thinking it." He mumbles, "Look, I don't really want to talk about this anymore."

Nat stares at him for a bit longer before sighing and nodding;

"Fine... Just, be safe." She murmurs as Steve gives her a small, reassuring smile.

"Nat I'll be fine."

 _Bucky's POV_

It had been a couple days since their meet up and Bucky just couldn't shake the thought of making love to Steve. So he decided to go to a sex shop. He just wanted to go in and gets some real lube instead of having to use Vaseline or some other lubricant that people use when they don't have the real thing. He was wearing a sweatshirt and a large jacket despite it being nearly 60 degrees out and a baseball cap. He wasn't so much embarrassed to be there as shy and insecure about the whole thing. He tries to shake off his nervousness as he walks into the bright florescent lighting of the shop. As he opens the door a little bell rings and the cashier looks up at him. He looked in his early to mid 40's, but not pervy. The man gives him a friendly smile, which Bucky awkwardly returns before walking over to the register.

"Excuse me but where can I find the lube?" He asks in a bit of a hushed tone. The cashier points to a nearby isle with shelves lined top to bottom with hundreds of bottles of the slippery liquid.

"Over on that shelf, prices go from 10 to 30 dollars." He explains as Bucky walks over and looks the isle up and down, noticing a large bottle of anal lube on a bottom shelf. He bends down and inspects it before walking over and placing it on the counter. The cashier rings it up before looking up at Bucky.

"Anal lube... I'm guessing its a boyfriend." He comments as Bucky nods and rubs the back of his neck.

"Heh, yeah..."

"What's he look like?" The cashier questions, trying to make friendly conversation. Bucky fumbles for his phone and pulls up Steve's instagram, showing his phone to the man, who whistles a bit and grins, "You've got a cute little twink there don't ya?"

"Yeah... I love him." He murmurs softly, staring at the picture longingly.

"You know what that kid would look great in?" The cashier questions as Bucky looks up and him and slides his phone back into his pocket.

"What?"

"One of those corset armbinders and a red ball gag." He comments as the brunette glances over at the bondage and fetish wear section.

"I-I don't know... he's still a little shy about-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. The bottom's too shy to try new things because he doesn't want to threaten his masculinity anymore. I see it all the time." The cashier says as Bucky gets offended on Steve's behalf. He just wanted to buy lube, not get into a fight with the cashier about Steve's insecurity.

The cashier smirks a bit as Bucky moves from the counter and over to the fetish wear, grabbing the second smallest corset armbinder and a medium sized red ball gag. He stares at the isle for a little longer before pulling down a spreader bar and looking it over. His heart couldn't help but flutter as he thought of Steve in all this stuff. Panting. Begging for more. He walks over to the front and grabs a basket, trying to avoid the smirk the cashier gave him.

Bucky knew the guy was just trying to make a sale. He knew that. And yet... he just wanted to make Steve feel loved and safe. But also that he was his. Steve was his. That's when he saw it. Buckled around a manikin's neck was a small black collar. He stares at it in wonder before kneeling down and quickly taking the box underneath it.

"This adjustable collar is perfect for things such as; pet play, dom/sub, and just letting them know they belong to you..." He read out loud quietly. A small smile forms on his lips before placing the box in his basket and standing up. Right next to the collars he notices a leash and quickly takes it as well. He was starting to get hard. Really hard. Steve sitting at his feet, eager to please his master...

He needed Steve right now.

 _Steve's POV_

Steve was sitting in his dorm, quietly coloring the cells for his latest animation assignment. He was humming along softly to the song when he gets a knock on the door. He groans a bit before taking out one of his earbuds and looking at the door.

"Who is it?" He calls out as the handle turns and... Bucky appears in his doorway.

Steve quickly scrambles up and pins himself to the opposite side of the room.

"Wh-What the hell are you doing here?" He snips, unable to hide the fear dripping from his voice.

"Stevie I just wanted to-"

"How the hell did you find me?!"

"Steve calm dow-"

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THIS ADDRESS?!"

"I FOLLOWED YOU OKAY?! I saw you at the library and I followed you back here!" Bucky snarls back, aggressively taking a step towards the younger man. Steve takes a shaky breath, staring at Bucky with a mix of anger and fear. He inches towards his desk and in a split second grabs his coffee mug and launches it at the brunette. It hits Bucky directly in the forehead and he yelps in pain, holding his face. Steve takes his chance and tries to run out of the room, but Bucky quickly whips around and slams the door shut. He tackles Steve to the ground and holds him there with a death grip, Steve's desperate attempts to escape useless.

"LET GO!" He screams as Bucky angrily wraps his arm around Steve's throat and starts to steadily apply more pressure.

"I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE!" He hisses as Steve desperately gasps for air, his face going a deep red.

"St-Stop..." Steve whimpers, starting to go limp. Bucky soons lets go and the blonde gasps for air, stumbling up and clumsily reaching for his inhaler. He takes a couple doses before finally calming down and slumping against his bed, breathing heavily.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry..." Bucky murmurs as he opens the door and grabs something he left right outside. He turns back around and reveals a coffee cup and a small pastry bag. Steve takes them cautiously and Bucky stares at his feet a bit, "Its a medium vanilla latte and a blueberry scone... I saw that was your order when we first met..."

Steve looks up at him and raises an eyebrow;

"You remembered my order?"

"Of course."

Steve puts the cup and bag down before shaking his head and pushing Bucky out.

"You need to go..."

"Why?"

"WHY?!" Steve snaps back, "You just tried to choke me out!"

"I wasn't going to actually do it-"

"If you don't leave in the next 15 seconds I'm calling the police." He threatens as Bucky stares at him for a bit, before leaning down and crashing their lips together, keeping the blonde's head firmly in place. Steve tries to pull away, but it was no use. Bucky finally pulls away and smiles, cupping Steve's cheek.

"I love you." He mutters before kissing his forehead and walking out the door, gently closing it behind him. Leaving Steve confused and scared. Bucky knew where he lived.

* * *

 **Hey everyone! So yes, I know its been FOREVER and I'm really sorry about that. Its been a mix of writers block and the general lack of motivation when it comes to summer. If I don't have something actually important to procrastinate, I'm procrastinating this instead XD**


	9. Chapter 9

_Steve's POV_

He was nearly shaking from fear of what just happened. Steve had locked the door almost immediately after Bucky left and didn't know what to do. So he was just sitting on his bed, heart racing. Bucky kissed him. He _kissed_ him. No consent. No nothing. He just kissed him twice and left.

After another half hour of sitting and quietly panicking, there was another knock at the door. He freezes before slowly going over and peeking out of the peephole. It was just the Starks. He lets out a breath before unlocking and opening the door.

"What do you need?" He questions, it coming out a bit ruder than intended. Tony and Howard (yes I'm making them brothers bc I love my bby 40's Howard) walk into the dorm and he audibly groans in annoyance.

"Was this a bad time?" Howard questions as Steve runs his hand through his hair and sighs.

"Yeah but what do you need?"

"We just wanted to know if you could make a bonfire we're throwing next Friday." Tony says as he hands Steve a flier, who takes it and raises an eyebrow.

"Wow, I'm surprised you two are doing something outdoors... and physically going around and inviting people."

"Well you know, we just wanted to go out and enjoy the stars-"

"You're parents are still mad about all the money you spent and property damage that happened at your last party?" Steve questions as Tony grabs the flier out of his hands.

"Do you want to go or not?"

"I don't know, who else is going?"

"Uhhh, Jarvis, Sousa, Jack Thompson, Angie-"

"Anyone I would care about?" Steve interrupts as Howard frowns a bit;

"Sure, it's all about _your_ friends." He mumbles as Tony rolls his eyes.

"Natasha said yes, Sam was a probably, Odinsons were a maybe, Barton said yes, ummmm, oh! Carter said she's going." He explains as Steve looks down at his feet.

"I'll think about it."

"Okay, well it'd be great if you came." Howard says as the two leave, making Steve sigh in relief before laying down on his bed and staring at the ceiling. He lays there for a couple more minutes before pulling out his phone and beginning to text someone.

 _ **Steve: If you're not still sick, can you meet me at the library asap? I want to talk to you about something**_

There was a 15 second delay before his phone buzzes.

 _ **Sarah: It's almost 11, I'm ready for bed**_

 _ **Steve: It's about dad**_

 _ **Steve: Please**_

 _ **Sarah: I'll be there in 20 minutes**_

 _ **Steve: Please hurry**_

Steve takes a deep breath and jams his phone into his pocket before sitting up and pulling on his shoes. He walks out of his room and almost immediately bumps into Sam.

"Sorry." Steve mutters as he continues walking. Sam raises an eyebrow and grabs his arm.

"Where do you think you're going so late?"

"Library."

"Isn't it closed?"

"Its open until 2 tonight."

"Okay but why?"

"I'm meeting my mom there." He mumbles, pulling his arm away.

"Okay, you still aren't really answering my question of why-"

"Because I need to talk to her about something important!" Steve snaps before quickly walking away, tears of frustration forming in his eyes. Sam watches him go in concern, before sighing and unlocking the door to get into their shared dorm.

* * *

Steve pulls up the hood on his sweatshirt as he walks through the light drizzle outside. The dorms were relatively close to the library, only about a 2 minute walk. As he walked he couldn't help but get uneasy. It was just paranoia. It was fine.

He makes it to the library and pulls his hood down, quickly walking over to the Starbucks inside and ordering a drink to warm up. He goes on his phone and messes around on it a bit before hearing the door open and seeing his mother walk in, significantly more soaked than he was. She walks over to the Starbucks and orders her own drink before going to sit down with him.

"Honey what's wrong?" She questions, her voice dripping with concern. Steve sighs and takes a sip of his coffee;

"I met someone who knew dad." He says in a hushed tone. Sarah's eyes widen and she gently puts the cup down.

"What?"

"You heard me... I know he talked about his soldiers to you more than me. Did he ever mention a guy named Bucky? Might've called him James."

"You met Bucky?" She questions in surprise.

"Yeah, dad talked about him?"

"Oh of course, he was his favorite recruit. What was he like in person?" She inquires as Steve starts tapping his fingers on the table as a nervous tick. Sarah notices and furrows her brows, "What's wrong?"

"Bucky flirted with me, wouldn't take no for an answer, tracked me down online, commissioned me, got me to meet up with him-"

"Steve, I need you to slow down." She interrupts as he takes a shaky breath, "Okay... now start over. He flirted with you?"

Steve swallows hard and nods, taking an aggressive sip of his coffee.

"Yeah. He called me really cute and asked me out. Then I told him about Peggy but he didn't believe me."

"Why didn't he believe you?"

"Because he thinks I'm gay." He murmurs as Sarah's eyes widen.

"Wait... so he's... doesn't he know you're half his age?" She asks as Steve nods.

"Yes."

"Does he know you're father..."

"He found out from stalking my social medias..." He mutters, "A-And when he catfished me and we met again, with that knowledge, he... he said something weird."

"What did he say?" She demands, her voice dripping with concern at her son's silence, "Steven..."

"You know how you keep saying I'm looking more like dad everyday?"

"I say it because its true." She comments with a small smile. Steve doesn't smile back.

"He said he thought I was pretty... and then he cupped my cheek and told me it's because..." He tries to force himself to finish, "I look like dad..."

Sarah's eyes widen and she blinks a couple of times in shock.

"Wait... are you meaning to tell me that James had a crush on your father?"

"Yeah. And now he's got a crush on me."

Sarah stares at him in shock for a bit longer before standing up and gently taking her son's arm.

"Come on..." She murmurs as Steve furrows his brows and stands up.

"Where are we going?"

"Home." She answers, looking down at him with a sad smile, "We'll finish talking when we get back."

Steve sighs and nods before pulling up his hood and clinging to his mother's arm. She was really the only person who made him feel safe.

 _Bucky's POV_

Tonight would have been so perfect to take him. He was kicking himself for not doing it before his angel walked into the library. Bucky watches from behind a small patch of trees as Steve and someone else he couldn't make out exited together. Was that Peggy? No, it couldn't be. He slyly moves to behind another nearby building, watching them walk away from the dorms.

"Where are you going?" He murmurs to himself softly, continuing to follow them. He starts to hear them talk and gets as close as possible to try and hear them.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"I feel like someone's following us." Steve admits, looking around cautiously. Bucky pins himself to the building and holds his breath. So that was Steve's mother.

"You're probably just paranoid because of all that's happening." She assures as Steve sighs and nods, leaning on her slightly as they continued to walk.

The brunette takes a deep breath before waiting about a minute and quietly running back to his car. He was almost there before noticing a semi-soaked flier hiding underneath a bench. He bends down and picks it up carefully, turning it around to see in large, slightly smeared font;

 _ **STARK BONFIRE FRIDAY AND SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13-14 AT NORTH-SOUTH LAKE CAMPGROUND**_

 _ **Get your own ride**_

 _ **Bring snacks and drinks (optional but recommended)**_

 _ **Bring camping gear**_

 _ **Wear costume if you want to be entered in the costume contest**_

Bucky grins widely. Steve was most likely going. It was going to be a bunch of drunk, unsupervised college kids. In the woods. All he needed to do was wait for Steve to break off from the crowd. He gets back into his car and grabs a bundle of rope and the ball gag, putting them in the back row. He shivers as the heater starts blasting cold air. It starts to warm up and he groans a bit in relief before driving back to his apartment. All he had to do was wait and Steve would be all his.

 _Steve's POV_

"Mom, you really don't have to..." Steve mutters as Sarah hands him a mug of hot chocolate and puts another blanket over his wet shoulders.

"I'm your mother, of course I do." She dismisses before sitting down next to him, "When we got here we had just finished telling me how he grabbed your arm."

"Yeah... so then I left, now fast forward to tonight."

"Tonight?"

"About an hour ago he... he followed me back to my dorm somehow and apparently wanted to apologize. But I justifiably freaked out and threw my coffee mug at him-"

"That's a fair response." She comments as Steve nods and starts tapping the mug nervously.

"I tried to run out, but he blocked the door and tackled me, then put me in a headlock... He let me go right before I passed out and then gave me a coffee and scone that I threw out immediately. Then..."

"Then what?"

"He...took my face and kissed me on the lips, told me he loved me, kissed me on the forehead and left." Steve finishes, nearly out of breath. Sarah quickly goes to hug him, tears forming in her eyes.

"Maybe you should stay here for the night." She mumbles as Steve sniffs and nods, hugging back. They stay like that for a bit before Steve stands up and heads towards his old room. He closes the door and changes into an old pair of sweats he left behind when he moved. He places his phone on the nightstand without plugging it in and slides under the covers, gripping the blanket tightly, the familiarity incredibly comforting.

There was a small knock at the door and Sarah pokes her head in;

"Do you need anything before I go to bed?" She questions as Steve stares up at her and shakes his head slightly.

"No I'm okay..."

His mother sighs and nods before walking in and turning off the overhead light. She goes over to him and pulls the blanket up a little, before leaning down and giving him a loving kiss on the forehead.

"So that's how that's supposed to feel." Steve comments with a small smirk. Sarah cocks an eyebrow and grins down at him;

"Even in the worst situations you're still a little shit."

"Mom!" Steve gasps in amusement and disbelief.

"What? You're my little shit and I love you."

Steve rolls his eyes and smiles a bit before adjusting himself some more and yawning;

"Night mom."

Sarah leans down and kisses Steve one last time before saying goodnight to him as well and leaving. The blonde rolls over and flips his pillow to the cool side before slowly falling asleep, pushing Bucky to the back of his mind.

* * *

 **Hey everyone! So since I took forever to put out the last chapter, I tried to do this one a little quicker :P, so I hope its still okay! Also, I know Steve's been kinda private and distant with the whole Bucky situation, but idk I feel like he'd be more open with his mom. They've got the whole 'single mom really close with son' vibe goin on XD**


	10. Chapter 10

_Steve's POV_

It had been over a week since his run in with Bucky and luckily he hasn't seen him since. Steve and Sam were both getting dressed up in suits and ties, their costumes for the Stark bonfire in a couple of hours. They get a knock on the door and Steve goes to answer it, revealing Nat, also in a suit and wearing sunglasses.

"I'm Agent N of the MIB, can I come in?" She questions in an incredibly serious voice. Steve chuckles a bit and steps away to let her inside.

"Hey Nat." He greets as Sam finishes tying his tie and puts on his own sunglasses.

"So are you two ready to go? Rental car's parked outside." She says as Sam instantly sprints to the window and calls shotgun.

"Wha-no! Don't you have to be outside to call shotgun?" Steve protests as Sam grins and shakes his head, pushing him playfully.

"If you can see it then it counts." Nat seconds as Steve groans and slides on his sunglasses. He unplugs his phone and pulls the cord out of the wall as well. He digs into a drawer and takes out a portable charger, sliding all 3 things into his pocket.

"Okay let's go, you said you have sleeping bags, snacks, and water in the car right?" He questions as Nat nods and grabs his hand;

"Okay now we can leave!" She exclaims as she quickly yanks Steve out of the room, causing him to yelp and nearly trip. Sam follows with a chuckle before making sure he had everything and closing the door.

* * *

The three friends were on the road for almost two and a half hours due to traffic. But it didn't matter. They were having a blast, just laughing and blasting late 2000's music like there was no tomorrow. For the first time since they met, Steve was finally able to genuinely forget about Bucky.

They finally get to the quiet parking lot around 6:30, a bright orange light being cast over the cars and nearby trees, through the peacefulness there was still the faint sound of loud music and laughing in the distance.

"Okay," Nat mutters as she quickly types something into her phone, Steve and Sam looking over at her, "I just texted Tony and he said walk down the main trail until we get to the lake, then take a right and follow the trail. We can't miss them."

The trio start to walk down the trail, the noise level getting louder and louder the further they go. Steve feels a buzz in his pocket and sees a text from his mom.

 _ **Sarah: I know you said you were going to that bonfire tonight, did you dress warm enough?**_

Steve takes a quick selfie of himself with his suit visible. She sends back a laughing emoji and the blonde smiles before putting his phone back in his pocket.

"Shut up English I do not!" A voice giggles defensively as they walk up to the lake and spot Peggy and Angie sitting on the shore and talking to each other. Steve freezes and goes a dark red, he and Peggy hadn't talked since their fight. Sam and Nat clearly didn't know and casually walk up to them.

"Hi guys." Nat greets as they turn around and smile, they were both dressed in 1940's attire. Steve nearly melts when he sees her, god she could pull off red dresses.

"Hey Natasha, Sam." Angie says before looking at Peggy, who was staring at Steve.

"Hey Peg." He mumbles awkwardly, "Can we...talk?"

Sam and Nat looks at each other before back at Steve.

"We're going to head to the main party." Sam states awkwardly as he and Nat leave, Angie close behind.

Steve walks over and sits down where Angie was. He sighs and looks over at Peggy, who was staring out over the lake.

"I'm sorry." He murmurs, "I don't know what came over me back then... I was just so... frustrated and angry and scared and I took it out on-"

"I know." She interrupts with a small smile, "I'm sorry too... I was still incredibly stressed out from my trip. I know you know what I was going through, which is why I guess I was so angry."

Steve returns the smile and moves closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"I like your costume." He compliments as Peggy chuckles a bit.

"Thank you. I don't quite get yours though." She admits as Steve fumbles to put his sunglasses back on, which doesn't help her, "Someone at an outdoor funeral?"

"Wha-no! Men in Black." He explains as the brunette shakes her head.

"I've never seen that movie."

"You've _never_ seen Men in Black?" He questions in shock. She smiles and shakes her head some more;

"Should I have?"

"Yes! We're watching it when we get home." Steve declares as Peggy chuckles;

"Whatever you say."

They sit in silence for a couple minutes before Steve stands up;

"I'm going to get a drink, want anything?"

Peggy nods her head and stands up as well;

"I'll just come with you, we need to socialize at least a little." She chuckles as Steve nods and they walk over to the main party together, gently holding each other's hands.

 _Bucky's POV_

Tonight was the night. Steve was going to be his. Bucky had gone back to the sex shop a couple days earlier and was like a kid in a candy store. He bought so many things he wanted to try with Steve, to make him whimper and beg... and it was going to happen tonight. He was wearing all black leather and tied a bandana around his mouth, also wearing sunglasses and his hair down, making himself as dark as possible as he stalked the campsite like a predator stalking his prey. He didn't like to think of it that way, but it was, in a sense, true. He would occasionally be spotted by some drunk college kids trying to find a place to fuck in semi privacy, but it was pretty easy to just tell them he was taking a piss.

He glances at his watch and sees it's almost 1 am, so he wouldn't have to worry about more people showing up. He catches sight of Steve again and bites his lip, god he looked good in that suit, then again he looked good in anything.

Then it happened. His window. He watches as Steve looks at his phone before patting down at his pockets. He says something to his friends before a red head pulls out a car key and presses a button. They all laugh a bit before Steve starts walking away from the main area. and down by the lake. Bucky quietly and swiftly makes his way through the forest, not letting Steve leave his sight for even a second. They walk down a little farther, now about two thirds of the way to the parking lot.

Bucky sneaks closer to the trail and keeps walking.

Three quarters of the way there.

He silently moves onto the trail and is now only about 10 feet behind Steve. He adjusts the rope in his pocket so it would be easier to grab and pulls the ball gag out.

Steve stops for a second to yawn and he seizes his chance.

 _Steve's POV_

Shoot. He left the portable charger in the car.

"Hey Nat, can I have the car key super quick? My phone's at 13 and I forgot my charger in the car." He slurs, he wasn't drunk, just tipsy. Nat grins before pulling out the key and pressing unlock.

"400 meter Bluetooth." She brags as they all start to laugh.

"Wow you really splurged for us." Sam comments as they laugh some more and he leaves the crowd. As much fun as he was having, it felt good getting away and being alone. He was the definition of an introvert. He breaths in the cool night air and lets his mind wander a bit. He sees the turn that lead straight to the parking lot, but stops for a second when he feels a yawn come on.

Then a ball gag was jammed into his mouth. His brain kicks into fight or flight mode. Adrenaline starts pumping. The effects of the alcohol vanish as he desperately tries to punch, kick, anything.

His legs as soon swiped and he feels a rope wrap around his ankles tightly. He tries to scream but the gag stops him, whoever was doing this to him flips him over and pins him to the ground to tie his hands behind his back as well.

"HELP!" He desperately tries to cry out, but it came out as a muffled sob. The rope wraps around his arms and renders his upper body useless. He thrashes and thrashes but it was no use. He finally gets a look at who was doing this to him and the man leans down, taking off his sunglasses and tugging off the blindfold.

Bucky... Oh god...

* * *

 **GUYS HOLY FUCKING SHIT I UPDATED IN 2 DAYS! IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey guys! So in this chapter, in case you couldn't tell from the previous _heavy_ foreshadowing, there's gonna be actual sex scene. If you don't like non-con situations or just don't want to read that part, there'll be warnings before and after, so you can easily skip. Anyways onto the chapter!**

* * *

 _Bucky's POV_

"Steve please be quiet." He murmurs as he takes the bandana and leans down, cupping the back of Steve's head. The blonde tries to scream again and continues to struggle. Bucky sighs before tying the blindfold around Steve's eyes and picking him up, throwing him over his shoulder.

"-uuu-y!" Steve cries into the gag, trying to say Bucky. The brunette quickly carries him the rest of the way and into the parking lot. He throws open the door and gently places Steve in the back seat. He slams it shut and Steve desperately tries to kick it back open, now whimpering and pleading. He walks around to the front of the car and gets in the drivers seat, a huge grin on his face. Everything was ready back at his apartment, all he had to do was make the two hour drive back.

Steve had fallen silent about half an hour in, he had flipped to the other side so he was facing the seat, occasionally making a small whimper-like noise. Once they were about 15 minutes away he pulls over and gets out and goes around to check on Steve. He opens up the back door and crawls inside, gently flipping the smaller man over.

"I'm sorry Steve but I have to do this." Bucky murmurs before pulling Steve's head on his lap and putting him into a choke hold. Steve starts to struggles again, but soon gives up and falls limp. He lifts up the blindfold to make sure Steve was out before noticing Steve's phone was on the floor. He bends down to pick it up and sees god only knows how many texts, missed calls, voicemails, everything. So he throws it out onto the nearby grass and gets back into the drivers seat to finish the trip.

 _Steve's POV_

He slowly blinks awake at the sound of a camera snapping. The noise happens again and Steve groans before trying to sit up. Except he couldn't. Everything comes back to him and looks down to see all he was wearing was a corset and an armbinder that securely kept his arms behind his back.

"Bucky!" He snarls, massively grateful the ball gag was gone, "Bucky let me go!" He screams, trying to crane his neck so he could see his kidnapper. There was another camera snap before Bucky walks into his line of sight, smiling widely.

"Stevie be quiet, you don't want to wake everyone up do you?" He questions before chuckling a bit, "I'm just kidding, there are no other people on this floor, but _I_ would appreciate it if you quieted down."

Steve glares daggers at him, before noticing a tripod standing at the end of the bed. His blood runs cold and he tries to move away, but Bucky grabs his leg and pulls him towards him.

"Bucky...I know what you're going to do and please...please don't do this..." He begs as Bucky reaches down and pulls out a spreader bar, locking it around his ankles so he couldn't close is legs, "Bucky please stop."

"I love you so much." He mumbles, gently taking Steve's face and kissing him sweetly on the lips. The blonde watches in horror as Bucky begins to strip. Despite the situation he couldn't help but notice a nasty scar on his left shoulder. He finally slides off his underwear before flipping Steve on his back. He groans and starts to struggle some more, noticing Bucky was reaching for a bottle of something.

 **(:)(:)(:)**

Steve shudders as he feels something drip over his hole, he feels a finger circling his entrance and he starts to thrash again. No. This wasn't happening. This _couldn't_ be happening.

"STOP!" He screams as Bucky sighs and grabs the gag again.

"If you can't be quiet then this is going back in." He says before grabbing Steve's head and forcing his fingers into his mouth. Steve clenches his jaw shut and tries to move his head away. Bucky sighs before reaching his arm down and slowly pushing his middle finger up Steve's ass. Oh god it hurt. He couldn't help gasping and in that split second Bucky jams the gag back into his mouth. He secures it around his head before going back to fingering him. Steve started to go numb. His mind was screaming no. But his body stopped struggling, he was frozen. He couldn't help but let out a small whine as Bucky adds a second finger... and then a third.

"P-Please..." Steve whimpers into the gag, tears streaming down his cheeks, "Please stop."

Bucky either didn't hear him, or he didn't care, because he kept going. He finally pulls his fingers back out before lining himself up.

"Are you ready my angel?" He purrs into Steve's ear, who desperately tries to kick Bucky off of him.

"G-GET OFF ME!" He cries into the gag, it coming off as more of a strangled scream. He feels Bucky gently pet his head and moves his hands to gently rub his shoulders.

"Just relax Stevie." He murmurs, before sliding in with a groan. Steve wasn't as quiet;

"AHHHHHHHH!"

 **(:)(:)(:)**

 _At the bonfire_

"He's not answering his phone."

"Are you sure? Have you tried calling him?"

"I sent him a damn email I'm so desperate."

"Guys! Any word from Steve?"

"No."

Sam groans and tries to call Steve again, straight to voicemail.

"Any luck with the search party?" Nat questions as Sam shakes his head.

"Mine found nothing." He sighs as Peggy bites her nails nervously. Nat notices and puts a hand on her shoulder;

"We'll find him."

Peggy sighs before looking around and frowning;

"Where are the police?"

"No one called them." Sam explains as the brunette's eyes widen;

"What?"

"Yeah... people are drinking underage and there's drugs and stuff so no one-"

"STEVE IS MISSING AND PEOPLE ARE WORRIED ABOUT THEMSELVES?!" Peggy explodes. A couple people look over as Nat and Sam look at each other nervously.

"P-Peggy... Steve is really only friends with us and a few other people..."

"So?!"

"So... no one really... cares. Tony and Howard are worried so that's why people are looking." Sam points out carefully, studying Peggy's face. She was expressionless.

She slowly pulls out her phone and types in 911 and waits for a second.

"Hello, yes. I'd like to report a missing person... Steven Rogers... V-E-N yes... no, R-O-G-E-R-S... around 1 am. We're at north-south lake, last we saw him he was going to get his portable phone charger from his car... we've been trying to reach him for the last 3 hours... okay, thank you." She turns the phone off and jams it into her pocket, before sitting down in the dirt and putting her face in her hands.'

"Carter?" Nat asks gently as she bends down next to Peggy, who was fighting back tears.

"Wh-What are we going to tell his mother?" She whimpers, "H-How the fuck are we supposed to tell her that Steve's gone-"

"Peg he'll turn up." Sam tries to assure as he sits next to her as well.

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" She snarls, before shaking her head, "I-I'm sorry... I've just been stressed out lately and I... I just don't want to lose him."

"We know... but I promise he's somewhere, alive."

 _Bucky's POV_

He did it... He actually did it. Bucky pulls out of Steve with a small moan and kisses the base of his back sweetly.

"Oh Stevie..." He murmurs as Steve whimpers and weakly tries to move his legs. Bucky unclips the spreader and rubs his ankles. He moves up to the armbinder and undoes the ribbon, the armbinder falls off as Steve's moves his arms to cover his face. Bucky finishes taking off the corset and helps Steve take off the gag. He crawls underneath the covers and pulls the blonde with him.

"You did so amazing." He hums, pressing a gentle kiss on Steve's forehead. He groans and tries to turn away, making Bucky frown, "Stevie..."

"Fuck off." Steve hisses halfheartedly, he was obviously trying not to cry. Bucky pulls him in closer and holds Steve's head to his chest protectively.

"Shhh..." He whispers as Steve continues to weakly fight him, although it was no use. He continues to press gentle kisses on Steve's head, "I love you so much my angel... that was absolutely incredible... I'm so proud of you." He wanted to make Steve feel more comfortable and safe. He knew Steve wanted this deep down, but he wouldn't let himself believe that he did.

Bucky looks over at his alarm clock and sees its almost 4:30 in the morning, he adjusts himself a bit before kissing Steve one last time and drifting off to sleep. He couldn't help but smile.

* * *

 **Yikes, this took slight longer than I wanted it to. Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I'm kinda bad at writing smut so that's why that part was pretty short, but the more I write it the more I'll get the hang of it :P**


	12. Chapter 12

**Just a little heads up, smut's gonna naturally occur in the story for now on so I'm not gonna put a warning anymore. Just keep in mind most of this _is_ non-con.**

* * *

 _Steve's POV_

Steve slowly begins to wake up and rolls over with a small groan, too tired to remember where he was. He buries his face into the blanket as his mind slowly starts to make cognitive thoughts. He smelled bacon and could hear something happening in the kitchen outside the room. He must be at his mom's- no. The blonde's eyes snap open and he shoots up into a sitting position, still naked. He hisses at the pain in his ass and falls back onto the bed. His breathing quickens and his heart starts racing.

"No..." He mutters to himself, beginning to panic. So it wasn't a horrible nightmare. Bucky really did kidnap him. He carefully sits back up and tries to get out of the bed. He looks down and notices a leash attached to a collar around his neck was tied to the bedframe. He tries to undo the collar as the door opens Bucky appearing with a tray full of food.

"Oh you're awake!" He chirps as he walks over to the bed, Steve staring at him with a mix of anger and caution. Bucky places the tray down on the side of the bed and sits down, brushing the hair out of Steve's face. He jerks back and Bucky quickly tries to stabilize the food, "Be careful honey, you don't want to spill anything."

Steve bites his lip to try and hide the searing pain in his ass. Bucky still notices his slight discomfort and stands up;

"Wait right here, I'm going to go get you some Aleve." He says before going into the bathroom and rummaging through a couple of cabinets. Steve watches him with a glare before looking down at the tray in front of him, it had a cup of coffee with cream and sugar on the side, orange juice, a small bowl of berries, bacon, and chocolate chip pancakes. He had to admit it smelled delicious, but there was no way in hell he was eating any of it. Bucky comes back and hands Steve the small pill, "I know you're going to be annoying but please swallow it, it'll help with the pain."

"You know people think its you that took me. I told a bunch of people about you." Steve states as Bucky rolls his eyes.

"Just take the pill Steve-"

"Aren't you nervous?"

"Not at all. I have a really close friend that's a detective for the NYPD. I talked to him and he said he'll take the case. Now just take the damn pill." Bucky snips, now slightly annoyed. Steve warily pops it in his mouth and swallows it with a small sip of the orange juice. Damn it was good, definitely fresh squeezed.

"Are you just going to keep me here as your little pet forever?" He questions harshly, making Bucky frown.

"You aren't my pet Steve-"

"Oh really? Then why did you give me a fucking collar?"

"Because it shows that you're mine-"

"A pet." Steve interrupts angrily, he knew Bucky wasn't going to hurt him. He 'loved' him too much.

Bucky's expression darkens before he stands up and goes into the closet to get something;

"Fine, if you want to be a pet, go ahead. But either way I have to teach you some manners." He says before coming back out with a small box. Steve looks at it and moves back a bit cautiously. Okay so maybe Bucky was willing to hurt him.

The brunette opens it up and pulls out something Steve didn't quite recognize. It looked like a small lightsaber that wasn't lit. Bucky sits back down next to him and places the tray of food in front of Steve.

"Eat." He orders. The smaller man barely registered what he said, staring at the device nervously. Bucky grunts in annoyance before pressing a button and touching it to Steve's nipple. It sends a strong electric shock directly into the sensitive area. He yelps and dips his fingernails into his palms, "Stevie I told you to eat."

Steve swallows hard before picking up a raspberry and cautiously eating it. Fuck, those were delicious too. He slowly continues to eat, watching Bucky stare at him out of the corner of his eye. Once he takes a bite of pancake the older man perks up.

"What do you think? It's my mom's recipe." He questions, his menacing nature vanishing into thin air.

"They're good." Steve mumbles, taking a sip of coffee to help clear his throat.

"Mom used to make them the first Saturday of every month. It was a little tradition we had." He explains cheerfully. Steve nods and takes a couple more bites before putting the fork down.

"I'm full." He mutters as Bucky looks at the food.

"Really? You didn't eat very much."

"Yeah... I'm small, I don't need a lot of food." He explains as Bucky sighs and nods, taking the tray and carrying it out of the room. He comes back a couple minutes later and sits down next to Steve again, gently pressing kisses onto his collarbone. He doesn't move in fear of getting shocked again. How do people get turned on by that? It's so painful and uncomfortable.

 _Bucky's POV_

"I still can't get over how fuckin' pretty you are." He whispers into Steve's ear. God, he still couldn't believe this was really happening. Bucky gently runs his fingers through Steve's hair and pulls his head up so their eyes lock. Steve quickly looks away and Bucky gives him a small slap across the face, "Look at me."

Steve begrudgingly moves his gaze up to him and they lock eyes once again. Bucky gently cups his cheek and smiles widely.

"You're eyes are so pretty... like the ocean after a storm." He murmurs before kissing Steve again, this time on the lips. He frowns at Steve's lack of response and pulls away, "Why aren't you kissing back?"

"Why do you think jackass?" Steve responds with an eye roll. Man this kid has a lip. He sort of liked Steve's sassy nature, but he was going to train it out of him in no time. Bucky grabs Steve's beautiful golden blonde hair and aggressively yanks his head down towards his crotch. He yelps and tries to pull his head away.

"Bucky st-stop!"

"I'll stop once you learn some manners." He snips, keeping Steve's head about an inch above his covered erection, "Now put your pretty lips around my cock." He instructs as Steve moves his hand and punches Bucky's groin, "AH!" He yelps as Steve scrambles up and goes to unhook the collar, fingers fumbling around the hook.

The little shit.

The older man whips around and grabs Steve by the back of the neck before slamming his face into the bed frame.

"AH!" Steve screams in pain. Bucky jams his face into the pillow and forces three fingers in dry.

"You have to learn how to behave!" He snarls before pulling his fingers out and going to the closet. He searches for a couple seconds before coming out with a small vibrator. He walks back over and spits on it before sliding it into Steve. The smaller man shudders and tries to move away, but Bucky holds him in place and uses a remote to turn the small device on. Steve squirms and grunts as he tries to break free from Bucky's grasp.

"Ahhh... ahaha..." He gasps quietly as Bucky pulls him onto his lap and begins to gently stroke him.

"If you cum before I say then you're in for a flogging, got it?" He warns as Steve swallows hard and nods, squeezing his eyes shut. Bucky slowly moves his hand up and down Steve's shaft, running his thump over the tip. The blonde shudders and can't help but lean into him and whimper.

"I-I'm sorry, I won't do it again." He murmurs. Bucky knew he was trying to play the sympathy card, but goddammit he looked so desperate and helpless. He stops stroking him but keeps the vibrator on.

"I'll let you off this time because it's your first day. But don't you dare disobey me again, got it?" He warns as Steve quickly nods and goes to pull out the vibrator, Bucky raises an eyebrow and grabs his arm, "I didn't say you could take it out."

Steve stares up at him in panic and the brunette's heart melts. Jesus Christ he was beautiful. Bucky leans in and kisses him again before turning the vibrator one level lower.

"This is your punishment for everything. I'll take it out when I feel you've had enough, got it?" He explains as Steve nods a bit. The brunette stares at him for a bit in thought. He wanted Steve to call him Bucky, but when he wanted him to be submissive he should use something else, "Can you say yes sir?"

Steve swallows hard before nodding;

"Yes sir."

"Hmm... now say yes master."

"Y-Yes master."

"I like both... can you say yes sergeant?"

"Yes sergeant- Bucky why are you doing this?"

"To see what I want you to call me in bed, now hush."

"How about I try whatever comes to mind and you say if you like it." Steve mutters, trying not to piss off Bucky any more. He smiles and gently cups Steve's face.

"God I love you so much."

"Bucky..." Steve mumbles quietly, suddenly struck with a look of panic, "Bucky I-" He starts coughing and Bucky moves back a bit.

"Stevie what's wrong?" He asks in concern as Steve continues to wheeze and gasp for air.

"M-My asthma..." He manages to wheeze out as Bucky's eyes widen, "I-I need my *cough* i-i-inha-ler."

* * *

 **This took longer than it should have XD Also as you guys know I'm new at writing smut so some feedback would be extremely appreciated!**


	13. Chapter 13

_Steve's POV_

Steve had practiced his fake asthma attacks for years now. Using it every time he wanted to sneak out of gym, avoid a test, or just to cut a conversation short. Only his mother could tell the difference between a fake and real attack. Hopefully this was enough to trick Bucky into letting him go. He keeps up his false wheezing as Bucky runs out of the room. Good. Maybe just wait a minute for him to be really gone and then get dressed and the hell out of... there...

Bucky runs back in with an inhaler. Correction. _His_ inhaler. It had the pharmacy sticker on it and everything. The older man quickly jams it into Steve's hands, who takes an unnecessary puff before taking a deep breath.

"How the fuck do you have this?"

"After you left I snuck into your dorm and took it in case of things like this." He explains calmly. Steve feels a sinking feeling and looks up at Bucky nervously.

"What else did you take?" He questions as Bucky stands up and goes into the other room, holding a duffel bag. He unzips it and Steve peers inside. A couple pairs of sweatpants and t-shirts and his drawing tablet, "How did you know the inhaler was mine? It doesn't have my name on it."

"Remember when I came into your room last week? I saw you use it." He says as Steve bites his lip and looks away. Okay, now he was starting to feel a real attack coming on. He takes a quick puff just to be on the safe side before shaking his head.

"Bucky... for the love of god please let me go. I won't tell anyone it was you. And if I show up today then no one will be suspicious." Steve begs as Bucky shakes his head and takes the inhaler away.

"You are the love of my life Stevie. Nothing will take you away from me."

"If I'm the love of your life then why won't you do what's best for me?"

"Because you don't know what's best for you, you're still so young."

Steve stares at him for a bit, trying to hold onto a thought. Bucky would be so mad if he said it. But it was the best comeback, and it was going to eat him alive if he didn't;

"I _am_ young. What if you met me 2 or 3 years ago when I was underage? If you would have had this 'love' wouldn't that have made you a pedophile?"

The look Bucky gave him shook him to his core. His face barely changed, but his eyes were filled to the brim with absolute, unadulterated rage.

Bucky slowly stands up, staring at Steve, who had slowly moved back a bit. That was a bad idea. He shouldn't have said that.

"B-Bucky..." He starts warily, completely avoiding eye contact, "Just... p-please let me go..."

The older man backs out of the room and closes the door behind him without saying a word. Steve swallows hard and stares at the door cautiously. His mind was racing. What was he going to do to him? Rape him again? Physical assault? Oh god he might be getting a knife or a gun... Bucky was going to fucking kill him.

Steve scrambles up and goes to the duffel bag, pulling on his pair of Mets sweatpants and his old high school art club t-shirt. He goes to the door and turns on the handle, relieved it was locked before peering his head out. Bucky at the table on his laptop.

"B-Buck?" He asks quietly. No answer, "Bucky please..."

"Get back into the room." Bucky instructs in a monotone voice. Steve takes another step out instead.

"Are you gonna kill me?" He questions, "Because i-if you are I just wanna make one last phone call to my mom-"

"I said. Get. Back. Into. The. Room." He snarls. Steve nods and quickly scurries back in, heart racing. He kept trying to think of solutions where he was going to be okay, but they all ended in Bucky murdering him. He was going to end up in the news and the fucking obituaries. He sits down on the bed and tucks his knees to his chest, staring up at the ceiling with tears forming in his eyes. He takes a deep breath and does the one thing he hated doing the most;

"Dad..." He murmurs quietly. God he hated talking to his father. He hated thinking about heaven and hell. The realist in him did not mix well with his religious roots. His father was gone and there was absolutely no changing that. No amount of praying or worshiping was going to bring him back. But he was downright terrified right now and talking to the first person he hoped to see after Bucky takes his life made him feel only slightly better. But better none the less, "I-If heaven is real then I'm not going there, heh, sorry, it's not my fault I was born into gen Z." He chuckles slightly, the tears starting to build up in his eyes, "But I miss you... a lot... I don't know what's happened to Bucky between then and now but this can't have been the guy you knew. I don't know I'm just... scared."

The door opens back up and Bucky walks in calmly, taking a seat next to Steve.

"You're going to kill me aren't you?"

"No."

"Then what are you gonna do?"

"You'll see... but first I need you to do what I say."

"Okay." Steve says nervously, unsure what Bucky was going to do.

"Go into the bathroom and look in the cabinet. Inside there's some makeup. Put it on." He instructs as Steve furrows his brows;

"Makeup as in-"

"Did I say you could talk?" Bucky interrupts, not looking at him. Steve shakes his head and quickly goes to the bathroom and opens up the cabinet. A tube of lipstick, mascara, blush, eye shadow, and a couple other things he didn't quite recognize. But he was too afraid to ask Bucky what they were. He picks up the lipstick and takes the cap off. He twists it up and sees its a matte peachy color, takes a deep breath, and starts to apply.

 ** _Brooklyn, New York: 2015_**

 _"What's with the outfit?_

 _Sarah nearly jumps out of her skin and accidentally smears a bit of coral lipstick onto the corner of her mouth. She takes a couple of breath and notices Steve chuckling a bit in the doorway of her bathroom._

 _"Don't scare me like that!" She exclaims before reaching for a makeup wipe and fixing her lipstick._

 _"Sorry, sorry... but why are you getting so dressed up on a Friday night?" He questions as Sarah rolls her eyes._

 _"It makes me sad how you find nothing wrong with that statement."_

 _"Don't do that."_

 _"Do what?"_

 _"Make me feel bad for not having friends."_

 _"Oh be quiet." She waves off before putting on a bit of mascara reaching for the concealer._

 _"But really, where are you going?" Steve asks as Sarah starts to dab on the nude liquid._

 _"That's none of your business." She answers, making Steve frown._

 _"You're really not going to tell me?"_

 _His mother sighs and looks down at the sink._

 _"You aren't going to like the answer."_

 _"Mom just tell me."_

 _She takes a deep breath and looks over at him;_

 _"A doctor I work with has been asking me out for a couple weeks now. And since he's sweet, and funny... I said yes."_

 _Steve blinks a couple times in surprise. Did he hear her right?_

 _"You're going on a date?" He mutters quietly. Sarah sighs and goes over to him;_

 _"Steve, you're going to graduate in a couple months and I'm just going to be alone. I just want company once you're gone."_

 _"But what about dad? Are you just over him now?"_

 _"Over him? Steven of course I'm not over him. I miss him every single day. But it's been 5 years... and I haven't been with anyone since. Please don't give me a hard time for this. It's just one date." She pleads as Steve looks away and sighs._

 _"Okay... when do you think you'll be back?" He questions as Sarah looks up in thought._

 _"Either before midnight or tomorrow morning is my guess." She answers before kissing Steve on the forehead and going to get her purse, "I left money on the counter in case you want to order a pizza and you can rent any movie on Amazon Prime. Don't stay up too late!" She yells before running out the door._

The guy she went out with sexually assaulted her later that night and she never went on a date again. Steve thinks back on the memory with grief and pity. His mom just seemed so optimistic. So excited she got to use that makeup.

The blonde swallows hard as he finishes putting on the mascara and gently dusts his cheeks with the rosy blush. He gets to the eye shadow and begins to feel a stare.

"Are you almost finished?" Bucky inquires as Steve takes a shaky breath and shakes his head;

"No sir."

"Look at me."

The teen looks up and Bucky moves closer, cupping his face in his hand.

"Do you need help with the eye shadow?"

"Yes..."

 _Bucky's POV_

As mad as he was at Steve right now, he couldn't help but be nearly speechless at how beautiful he looked. He takes the eye shadow out of Steve's hand and opens it up, coating the brush with the lightest pigment first.

"Close your eyes but raise your eyebrows." He instructs as Steve does as told. He gently applies the pigment on each eye before moving to a dusty rose-mauve type palette. He notices Steve looked like he wanted to say something, "Are you gonna ask me how I got so good at makeup?"

The smaller man gives him a little nod.

"I have 3 younger sisters. I can also braid and contour." He mumbles as Steve nods again.

"How old are your sisters?" He questions, obviously trying to get on Bucky's good side. But he liked talking about his sisters;

"29, 26, and 24."

"Hmm..."

"You have any siblings your father never told me about?" He asks as Steve shakes his head slightly.

"No, it's just me and mom." He answers as Bucky nods and finishes up the eye shadow.

"Okay now you can open your eyes." He says as Steve blinks a couple times and looks in the mirror.

"Whoa..." The blonde mumbles as Bucky smiles a bit and opens the liquid eyeliner.

"Close your eyes again and don't move." He instructs as Steve gently closes his eyes again. He applies a perfect wing in one fatal swoop on each eyelid before capping the eyeliner and putting it on the counter, "Jesus Christ you're so beautiful."

"Th-Thank you James." Steve mutters as Bucky's eyes widen. That was it. That's what he wanted to be called.

"Call me that for now on. When we get intimate call me James." He commands as Steve nods and walks out of the bathroom. Bucky follows and gently tugs on Steve's shirt, "How about you take off this stuff and get into something a little more sexy. I'm going to go start dinner, look in the closet and you'll know what I want you to wear when you see it." He says before walking out of the room, grinning ear to ear when he heard Steve's gasp.

 _Steve's POV_

His brain barely registered what his eyes were seeing, although the makeup now made much more sense. He picks up the lace chemise and panties in shock and holds them up to himself, beginning to stew in embarrassment, from the feminization, and the boner he unwillingly received.

* * *

 **Oof don't expect this streak of updating so often for long, idk how I'm doing this XD**


	14. Chapter 14

_Steve's POV_

Steve slowly pokes his head from the bedroom and spots Bucky in the kitchen cutting some vegetables. He slides out of the room and shyly walks towards the older man, trying in vain to cover himself up with the lacy fabric.

"Bucky?" He asks quietly. Faster than a bullet Bucky had him pinned to the ground and a knife to his throat. The veteran blinks a couple times and stares at Steve in horror before quickly scrambling up and putting the knife down.

"Fuck, I'm sorry!" He apologizes quickly, bending down to help Steve up, "I forgot you were here."

Steve nods slowly and tries to fight off the asthma attack he could tell was coming;

"I-It's okay." He murmurs as he stands up, Bucky very obviously checking him out.

"God I can't wait to ruin that makeup..." He mutters quietly, looking back up at Steve's face, "But first, a date."

"A date?"

"Of course... why do you think I'm making dinner and got you all dressed up? This is our first official date." Bucky explains cheerfully. Steve stares at him for a bit in utter disbelief.

"You are psychotic." He snarls as Bucky presses a finger onto his lips.

"Hush, you're punishment is almost here. I may make it smaller if you're nice to me now." He warns as Steve looks up at him, slightly annoyed.

"What's my 'punishment'?"

"You'll see my love-"

"Can't be any worse than anything else you've done to me." Steve mumbles coolly.

"I have been nothing but nice to you."

"You took my virginity by rape."

"You don't know it yet but you wanted me to take you."

"Please elaborate, I would absolutely _love_ to hear your explanation."

 _Bucky's POV_

Jesus Christ Steve just would not stop. Bucky wasn't going to physically attack Steve, no. He could never. But the blonde didn't really care about threats, he didn't listen to kindness, and was stubborn as all hell. How the fuck was he supposed to get through to him?

"Steve I swear to god if you don't shut up-"

He was cut off by a knock at the door;

" _NYPD."_

Steve instantly perks up and tries to sprint to the door, but Bucky grabs him and wrestles him to the ground.

"Help! He's fucking insane!" The blonde screams as Bucky wraps a hand around his mouth and looks up at the door.

"Come in." He says calmly as Steve angrily struggles underneath him.

 _Steve's POV_

Steve knew that Bucky said he had a friend in the NYPD, so this could go one of two ways. Friend decides his job and saving someone was more important than keeping his psychotic friend free. Or...

The door opens up and a police officer walks in, not even looking down at him as Bucky got up and gave him a friendly hug.

"Thank you do much again Dum." He says as Steve scrambles up and takes a step back.

"This is why people don't like the fucking cops." He snarls as the officer glares at him and Bucky puts a hand up.

"Everyone just calm down. Steve, this is Officer Dugan, we've been friends for... god, nine years now?"

"We met when we we're freshmen at college so... yeah 13 years ago. Damn it really doesn't seem that long ago." He comments as Steve eyes the door, he could try to make a run for it, the timing just had to be perfect.

"Dum, could you watch him for a second? I must've left my phone in the car last night." Bucky says as Dum nods.

"Of course." He answers as Bucky walks over and gives Steve a kiss on the forehead, which he quickly recoils away from. Bucky leaves the apartment and Steve quickly pulls on Dum's arm.

"Please, you have to get me out of here. I-I don't know about the Bucky 13 years ago but that man is fucking psychotic." He pleads desperately.

"If you were anyone else I'd cuff him in a heartbeat, but Buck's got a ridiculous amount of survivor's guilt after what happened with you da-"

"You were in his unit too?" Steve interrupts. Dum nods and looks over at the purple heart and Westpoint diploma hanging on the opposite wall.

"Yeah, we met at orientation in Westpoint, incoming class of 2004."

"You guys went to Westpoint?"

"Uh huh. Buck was one of the best in our class, he was so smart and knew it. He was so ready to be shipped off to Iraq-"

"And then that's when you both met my father?"

Dum takes a deep breath and nods;

"Yeah... we all obviously formed a small crush that was almost immediately negated when we found out he was married and had a kid... but not Bucky."

"He stayed creepy and sexual? He probably made weird advances that my dad was too nice to call out didn't he?"

"No, god no. Buck was so cute around him. We liked to give him a hard time but he would blush and smile every time Lieutenant gave him a compliment. He would say something dumb in front of him and stew in embarrassment for the rest of the day. Bucky was just... innocent and naive back then."

"Let me guess. Then after he watched dad get sniped his soul started to shrivel up and now he's the way he is?" Steve questions with an eye roll as Dum furrows his brows in confusion.

"Did you just say your dad was sniped?"

"Well... yeah. That's how he died. He was shot while on patrol."

Dum blinks a could more times, completely dumbfounded;

"No... it's not."

"What do you mean?" He questions warily, "Mom told me he was on patrol when someone shot and killed him."

"Wow... how old were you again?"

"12."

"She was trying to protect you then." He mutters as Steve stares at him in confusion.

"Are you saying my mom lied to me? H-How did my dad die?" Steve questions quickly, heart beating out of his chest.

"Well... it happened as a horribly unfortunate series of events that..."

"That what?"

"That Buck started out of cockiness and ignorance... it really, really wasn't his fault. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"What happened?" Steve inquires harshly. His mom lied? What could have happened that was so horrible that getting sniped in the back of the head was a comforting lie.

"Well, from what the report sai-"

He's cut off by the front door swinging open and Bucky walks back in, phone in hand.

"Of course it's dead, at least I can take some pictures with the camera." Bucky's smile fades as he notices tears welling up in Steve's eyes, "Steve what's wrong?"

"You're the reason my dad's dead, aren't you?" He questions, voice wavering.

"Rogers, did you hear what I said? It's not his fault-"

"You told him?!" Bucky snarls as he throws the phone on the couch and clenches his fists angrily, storming up to Dum.

"So it's true. You're the reason my dad died." Steve hisses with enough venom to kill a man. Bucky pushes Dum out of the apartment aggressively before turning to Steve and grabs him by the hair.

"Don't you _ever_ fucking say that."

"Then was Dum lying?!"

"Get on your knees-"

"What did you do to get him killed?"

"I said. Get. On. Your. Knees."

"I'm not going to give you a fucking blowjob, tell me what happened."

"Steven I swear to fucking god if you don't get on your knees _right_ _now._ "

"No." Steve states defiantly. Sure he was scared, downright terrified of Bucky right now. But he would be absolutely damned if sucked the brunette off right now, "Tell me what happened to my father."

Bucky grips Steve's hair tighter, to the point that the blonde was sure some was being ripped out. He grits his teeth and lets out a small grunt, refusing to tear up or whimper. He was done trying to appeal to Bucky's empathy, he was going to be the stoic, stubborn asshole he is.

"Bucky if you don't tell me right now I shit you not I will launch myself out of that fucking window." Steve snarls as he points to a large window on the opposite wall. Bucky clenches his jaw angrily before dragging Steve by the hair back into his room and locking the door.

"You know, I shouldn't have wasted that expensive makeup on a little punk like you." Bucky snips as he pins Steve to the bed and flips up the chemise and gently tugs down the panties. Steve struggles angrily, kicking, scratching, doing anything he could to get Bucky off of him, "I was gonna start riding you but your dick is way too small you whore."

Steve starts to flush a bright red and leans his head back so he was facing the ceiling, he squeezes his eyes shut and tries to imagine any other situation. Peggy was about to go down on him. Yeah. It was going to be their first time and she was nice enough to offer a-

Bucky pulls on his dick _hard_. Steve clenches his jaw as tightly as he could and can't help the small whine that emitted from his throat. The brunette continues to pump it violently as Steve manages to kick him in the face. He bursts up and scrambles to the bathroom, throwing himself in and locking the door just in time. Bucky rattles the handle angrily and throws himself at the door while Steve backs away. He crawls into the bathtub and lays flat on the bottom so Bucky couldn't see.

"STEVE OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" Bucky hisses as the door rattles some more. Steve tries to control the asthma attack he felt coming on, tears pricking his eyes. Day two. This was only day fucking two of this nightmare. Maybe Dum would change his mind after Bucky snapped at him,, he might get out in less than an hour... or he was going to die here. He looks down at his sore crotch to try and distract himself and gently holds his throbbing dick. It was extremely warm and bright red, Bucky definitely did some internal damage. He takes a deep breath and leans back again, the yelling and rattling on the other side of the door fell silent and Steve takes a deep breath. He genuinely thought Bucky wasn't going to be violent with him. Thinking back that was a stupid idea, but it kept him comfort throughout the single worst 36 hours of his entire life.

"I'm not that small." He mutters quietly, staring at his shaft for a bit longer. He stands up and goes over to the door, making sure the lock was still in place. He turns to look in the mirror and quietly turns on the water, splashing some onto his face and using a hand towel to try and rub the makeup off, which really only smeared it. He rings the towel out the best he could before going back over to the tub and reaching up to grab two towels hanging up. He climbs back in and folds one of them, putting it underneath his upper half. He uses the second towel as a blanket and the hand one as a pillow. He gently lays down on his makeshift bed and sighs quietly. He deserved some peace and quiet.

* * *

 **Hey guys! I'm so sorry my upload schedule has been so shitty over the past month, my brain needed to recharge for ideas. I'm really hoping I can start uploading semi soon again!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Just a little fyi bc I feel like I have to, there is a small trigger warning for death in this chapter. Especially if you have an issue involving the death of a parent in the military.**

* * *

 _Steve's POV_

Steve woke up about an hour later as two strong arms lift him out of the tub. He slowly blinks awake and tries to squirm away from Bucky, why couldn't he just leave him alone.

"Bucky please stop..." He begs as the larger man sets him down on the bed, not making eye contact. He goes into the living room and comes back a minute later with a file.

"May 8th, 2010... Sergeant Barnes and Lieutenant Rogers set out on a standard patrol mission. After three hours of radio silence, a search team was sent out for the two..." Bucky reads, voice shaking. Steve stares at him nervously, that was the report his mom gave him.

"Buck this is the same thing I was tol-"

"When the search team found them, Lieutenant Rogers had been dead from gunshot wounds to the head for two hours. Sergeant Barnes had sustained third degrees burns on his left shoulder and upper back. He was incredibly protective of Lieutenant Rogers' body." He finishes, tears beginning to prick his icy blue eyes. Steve stares down at his lap, jaw clenched;

"That's what I was told minus you." He mutters quietly. Bucky shakily takes out two more pages and hands them to Steve, biting his lip. The blonde takes them warily and starts to read.

 _ **Baghdad, Iraq: 2010**_

 _Bucky yawns a bit as he looks out over the open desert and up at the starry night sky, checking his watch periodically and only half listening to the static-y radio._

 _"So Barnes," Joseph starts as Bucky perks up and looks over at him, "Sorry if I already asked this, but have you got anyone back home?"_

 _"Can I be honest?"_

 _"Sure."_

 _"I actually haven't even had my first kiss." Bucky admits, blushing a dark red. Joseph stares at him for a moment before smiling;_

 _"No need to rush yourself. The only reason I had my first kiss when I did was because me and the woman that is now my wife were playing spin the bottle at a third class end of the year party. And when it landed on me she said 'No! I don't wanna kiss Rogers!'" He says as Bucky laughs a bit, "That is the reason I started to get to know the mother of my child was a game of spin the bottle in Aiden Kenneth's basement."_

 _"Sound's absolutely magical," Bucky chuckles, "But what's third class?"_

 _"Oh, I forgot America doesn't use that system, I think for you it would have been third grade." He explains as Bucky nods._

 _"Did you not go to school in the States?"_

 _"I'm actually an immigrant. My dad's work transferred him from an office in Dublin to Brooklyn when I was 15."_

 _"Really?"_

 _"Yep, that's why I don't have an accent. I didn't want to be bullied in school so I spent the three months it took to move working on getting rid of it."_

 _"Can I hear it?" Bucky asks with a sly smile. His superior looks over at him with a bemused smirk._

 _"You really want to hear it? I sound like the Lucky Charms mascot." He chuckles as Bucky rolls his eyes and shakes his head._

 _"I'm sure it sounds fine." He assures as Joseph clears his throat and looks over at Bucky;_

 _"Is this what you wanted to hear?" He questions in a light, very understandable Irish accent. Bucky raises an eyebrow and waves him off;_

 _"You can't tell me you sound like Lucky the Leprechaun and then give me an insecure local newscaster on St. Patrick's Day. You gotta own it!" He chuckles as Joseph gives him a jokingly offended look. The two go quiet for a little bit as Bucky continues to watch the sandy desert, his eyes growing droopy. After about 15 minutes the jeep comes to a quick stop, launching Bucky forwards._

 _"Hey why'd you-"_

 _Joseph quickly slaps a hand over his mouth and points to a cave about an eighth of a mile away. It was glowing with lights as people walked in and out carrying crates of what could only be ammo and weapons. Bucky's eyes widen and a lump forms in his throat. He'd never actually engaged with an enemy before._

 _"What do we do?" He whispers as the older man watches the terrorists do their work in a calculating manner, before moving down so he wasn't visible._

 _"If we drive away they might hear us."_

 _He looks around at the hill slightly blocking them from the view of the cave, and quietly jumps out of the jeep, taking a loaded AR-15 with him._

 _"I need you to stay back in case we need to make a quick escape." He instructs as Bucky moves into the drivers seat, waiting him;_

 _"What are you doing?"_

 _"Seeing if I can get a closer look. If I'm not back in twenty minutes, go." Joseph commands quietly, all the playfulness in his voice was gone. Bucky swallows hard and nods, taking a gun as well and watching him sneak up and over the hill._

 _After ten agonizing minutes, Bucky couldn't take it anymore. He quietly slides out of the jeep and keeps the door open so quick entry would be easier. He crawls over the hill and notices Joseph crouching behind a rock a couple hundred yards ahead, guards walking mere meters away from where he was positioned. Bucky's blood runs cold. If they saw him... his brain scrambles to try and think of ways to help him get out. He couldn't go down there, but he also might not have enough time to drive back to base and get help. He had to make a distraction._

 _The brunette turns off the safety on his gun and takes a deep breath, before shooting into the air facing away from them a couple times. The guards instantly run towards where they thought the gunshots came from and Joseph's head whips over to him. Bucky quickly ducks down, trying to avoid the death glare his superior was giving him. There were a couple shouts in Arabic before a large floodlight turns on and they were both bathed in the bright light. Bucky's heart starts to beat out of his chest. His body goes into fight or flight mode as he notices the Al-Qaedan soldiers look around and spot Joseph, who quickly scrambled up and fired at the incoming soldiers. Bucky sprints down the hill and starts firing as well, just barely avoiding the bullets whizzing past him. He manages to shoot down a couple of the soldiers. Until..._

 _*BANG* *BANG*_

 _Joseph stares at Bucky blankly for a moment, before dropping the gun and collapsing face first into the sand. Bucky lets out a heart wrenching cry as he continues to sprint towards the retreating soldiers, who were dragging their injured men onto jeeps that roared off into the dark desert. He was running so fast he tripped and fell shoulder first into the ground, triggering a hidden landmine that blew a hole through his uniform and left a blistering burn on the back of his shoulder. He screams in pain before falling over and crawling over to Joseph, who had a pool of blood surrounding his head, turning all the sand a deep red._

 _"N-No..." Bucky whimpers as he pulls Joseph's head onto his lap, using his hand to try and stop the bleeding, "No p-please... w-wake up..." He begs, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks, "L-Lieutenant... Jo-Joseph please..."_

 _No response. Bucky gently pulls off the older man's glasses and very lightly uses his fingers to close his eyelids and cradles his head protectively._

 _"Oh god... I-I'm so so-rry..." He whimpers, tears pouring down his cheeks. The large burn on his back blistered and stung, but he was almost numb to the pain. The grief and guilt began to set in and he can barely open his eyes he was crying so hard, letting out loud sobs and choking on his own spit. This was all his fault..._

* * *

 _Bucky's POV_

He watches as Steve's eyes finish scanning the report, noticing the drops springing from his eyes. Bucky slightly moves forwards and puts a gentle hand on Steve's back;

"D-Did you finish it?"

The blonde gives him a small nods and moves away from Bucky, who stands up and goes into the duffel bag with Steve's stuff. He pulls out a pair of sweatpants and hands them to him, before going into his own drawer and taking out a large sweatshirt, way too big for the petite teen.

"I-I'll be in the other room finishing up dinner... If you want to talk then-"

"Why didn't you listen to him?" Steve questions, voice shaking, "Why did you have to go after him?"

"Are you telling me you wouldn't have done the same thing in my position?" He asks with a frown. Steve clenches his jaw and doesn't respond, instead looking away, "Just put on the sweats... dinner should be ready in 10 minutes."

"What are we eating?" He asks quietly as Bucky begins to leave the room.

"I'm just making some pasta and a side salad, nothing too fancy." He answers before walking out. He walks over to the pot and adds the pasta, occasionally stirring it while he walks around the kitchen to finish up putting out plates and napkins.

The brunette notices Steve walks out of the room in the corner of his eye, dressed in the sweatpants and sweatshirt that nearly swallowed him.

"There's bread and olive oil on the table of you want to start with that. They're both warm." He says as Steve goes to the sink to wash his hands. Bucky finishes cooking the pasta and drains it, before adding some seasoned olive oil and garlic. He grabs some tongs and tosses the salad in some dressing before setting all of it on the table, along with some forks and knives.

"I noticed how you barely touched your bacon, so I wanted to make something meat free for you. Are you a vegetarian?" He inquires as Steve cuts off a piece of bread and dips it in the olive oil.

"I don't love meat, but i'll eat it." He mumbles. Bucky watches him closely as he shyly eats the bread, then it hits him. Steve kept glancing at the door, and he was out of arm shot. He was going to make a run for it. The brunette stands up and walks over to Steve, gently taking his wrist and bringing him back into the bedroom.

"Hey what are you-"

Bucky pulls out the collar again and gently puts it around Steve's neck. He grabs the leash and attaches it to the collar, but bringing him back out to the table.

"I just don't want you to get any ideas my angel."

 _Steve's POV_

God fucking dammit. He was so fucking close, he could practically smell the cool fall air. He shouldn't have been looking at the door so much, of course that was suspicious. And now Bucky was starting to get creepy again too... ugh he just wanted to leave. He wanted to give his mom and Peggy a huge hug each. He wanted to go to his dad's grave and leave some flowers, now knowing how he actually died.

But no. Bucky had to leash him.

"Yeah, meat isn't my favorite thing... all those animals in captivity, waiting to die." He comments as Bucky looks over at him with a frown, tying the leash to the table leg.

"Just eat your food you ungrateful punk." He snips as Steve rolls his eyes and looks away, taking another bite of bread, " So is my pedophile comment punishment coming soon or...?"

"It should be here by tomorrow."

"For fucks sake can you just tell me what you're going to do to me?" Steve exasperates in annoyance. The suspense was absolutely killing him.

"I Amazon Prime'd a tattoo gun." Bucky states calmly as the blonde freezes, blood draining from his face.

"A r-real tattoo gun?"

"Yeah. I'm still trying to decide how I should go about it, but Property of James Barnes is going to be on your body by this time tomorrow."

Steve drops the piece of bread onto his lap. The words barely sinking in. No, no, for the love of god no...

* * *

 **GUYS. TWO DAYS. I DID IT AGAIN.**


	16. Chapter 16

_Steve's POV_

The rest of the night was a blur. After Bucky told him about the tattoo he lost it. And the brunette did in return. In hindsight, that wasn't a good idea, but Steve didn't care in the moment. He genuinely didn't care.

He also remembers blacking out. He isn't sure why, maybe from the fear when Bucky grabbed him by the neck and slammed him into the wall while holding a knife to his throat. Or maybe from when he hit his head on the kitchen table when he tripped running for the door. Probably the latter.

Steve wakes up the next day feeling like hell. He sits up in the cozy, horrible bed that smells like Bucky and notices his left hand was securely tied to the bed frame. He groans and tries to reach up and untie it, but he couldn't. He needed both hands.

After about 20 minutes of angrily tugging at the rope, he slumps against the head board, defeated. He just wanted to leave.

" _No brother, I don't need any help- I'm bringing up the last box no- Yes I carried everything up alright. Okay, I'll call you back when i get settled i- I'm hanging up now."  
_

A muffled voice states and Steve perks up, listening very carefully.

 _"*sighs* I'm very capable of carrying my things up an elevator."_

The sound of jingling keys and doorknob turning makes his heart jump for joy. Someone was moving in next door.

"HELP! HE'S GOT ME TRAPPED IN HERE!" He screams at the top of his lungs, the jingling keys stopping abruptly, the door closing softly.

" _What?"_ The voice questions. It sounded strangely familiar.

"James Barnes is your next door neighbor! He kidnapped me a couple days ago! Please! Call the cops!" He explains loudly and urgently.

The other goes silent as Steve holds his breath and squeezes his eyes shut. Please be calling 911. Please be calling 911. Please be calling-

There was a jiggle on the front door handle and the blonde sits up a bit. Why the hell was he trying to get in? After about a minute the guy somehow got the door open and he walks inside, closing the door behind him. Steve gulps and backs himself against the bed frame. The bedroom door slowly creaks open and the blonde desperately pulls on the rope. His cool blue eyes meet the man's dark green and his jaw drops;

"Loki?!"

"Rogers?!"

Steve slumps against the head board and laughs in relief.

"This is where you've been?" The raven haired man questions as he walks further into the room. Steve nods quickly and pulls on the rope.

"Yes, Loki you need to get me out. I don't know what time it is and don't know when Bucky's gonna get back." He states urgently as Loki looks him up and down.

"Why did this man take you?"

"It's a really long story, Loki please, there are knives in the kitchen and- What are you doing?" He questions as Loki notices the box Bucky keeps the sex toys in peeking out of the closet. He walks over and picks it up, undoing the latch and looking inside. Steve's breath hitches and he starts to struggle even more.

"Loki let me go!" He snarls, beginning to panic. He sees the small smirk form on Loki's lips when he looks into the contents of the box and slowly closes it, before looking back up at Steve.

"Have you...?" He trails off, before noticing the collar around Steve's neck and smiles even harder, "A collar? You two have a dominant, submissive relationship, am I correct?"

"Loki." Steve states in a warning tone, "Go get the knife, and cut me free."

"Wow," Loki marvels, holding up the corset and the arm binder, "Have you worn this?"

Steve stares at him, entire face going a deep red. Damn the Irish in him, he looked like a sunburn victim. Loki puts them both back in and pulls out the ball gag. He walks over to the bed and puts a hand on Steve's face;

"Open up."

The smaller man pulls away and spits in his face;

"Don't fucking touch me."

Loki roughly takes his jaw and slaps him across the face as hard as he could.

"Open your mouth." He instructs firmly. Steve swallows hard, but keeps his mouth closed. Loki's expression doesn't change as he moves moves his hand to pin Steve's other hand to the head board. Steve tries to kick him away but the other man sits on his legs, pinning them to the bed. Steve's heart beats out of his chest, but he refuses to look scared, instead he opted for his angry glare.

"If you do this, Bucky's gonna kill you. I'm not kidding. He'd be willing to fucking kill you."

"Well then it's a good thing he's not going to." He grins, pulling out his phone, "Or else the police are going to come here and take you away from him. And he won't want that I assume?"

Steve clenches his jaw and glares at Loki furiously;

"So this whole situation is just a lose-lose for me?"

"I suppose. Now let's get these clothes off you."

 _Bucky's POV_

Bucky's been on high alert ever since he looked up at the tv across from his desk and saw the top story all the local news channels. 19 year old college student missing. He knew that it might get picked up by the news but it was still nerve wracking. He hears an audible sigh and glances over at the man sitting across from him.

"Everything alright Sam?" He questions as the intern looks up at him.

"Yeah... just that guy on the news is my roommate." He mumbles sadly. Bucky's heart drops to his stomach and goes white as a sheet almost instantly.

"O-Oh... I'm sorry." He murmurs quickly, glancing up at the clock and noticing it was almost 4:30, "I think I'm going to head home early tonight. See you Wilson."

"Bye." Sam mumbles, staring at the tv sadly. Bucky quickly walks out of the building, face burning. He probably looked so guilty.

Bucky speed walks back to his apartment building and goes in the back entrance. After he checks the stairway he sprints up it and to his floor. He runs around the corner, pulling out his key.

 _"F-Fuck! Please! Loki please! STO-"_

Bucky's heart stops as a loud, echoing slap pierces his eardrums. He quickly darts to his unlocked door and throws it open. Time almost seemed to slow as his eyes land on what was going on through the open bedroom door. A man had Steve, _his_ Steve pinned to the bed, riding him. Steve was squirming underneath him, garbling into the hand securely placed over his mouth.

The brunette's vision went red. He was _shaking_ with rage. He makes eye contact with Steve and he instantly perks up, writhing and screaming under the pale man's grip.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?!" Bucky snarls as he storms into the bedroom and rips the man off of Steve, chest heaving, "Stevie are you okay?"

"Sorta." He mumbles, looking away and blushing. There was cum on his face. The veteran turns back around and towers over the intruder. Instead of the fear Bucky expected, he chuckles and moves back a bit.

"I wouldn't suggest touching me unless you want the police to be at your doorstep." He warns as Bucky clenches his jaw and takes a step back;

"If you know what's good for you I'd recommend leaving. _Now_." He hisses as the man nods and stands up, going over to the nightstand to grab his phone.

"Oh, just a little tip for next time. Maybe don't leave your spare key under the welcome mat. It's laughably easy to find."

Bucky watches him go, pacing back and forth furiously. Steve watches shakily sits up, tugging on the rope around his wrist.

"Can you untie me?" He questions, trying to act as if nothing happened. Bucky turns around and punches the wall, leaving a large hole as he rips his hand out. Steve gulps and moves as far away from him as he can, "Loki, th-the guy, he said he'd be back for more."

Bucky walks over and rips the rope off with his bare hands, before lifting Steve up bridal style and carrying him into the bathroom. His angel needed a bath. A nice, calm, uninterrupted bath. Steve weakly fights back, most likely just to prove a point. He sets him in the tub and starts to run the water.

 _Steve's POV_

His dick hurt. Loki wasn't gentle when he sucked him off and rode him. Why did he do it? Sure, he was much better friends with Thor, but it wasn't like he didn't like him. It wasn't like he was mean to him.

"Buck what are you doing?" Steve questions quietly, watching as Bucky stood up once turning on the water and going to the sink. He keeps an eye on Bucky as he gets a small hand towel and turns on the sink, running it under the cool water.

"How did he know you were in here?" He asks as Steve swallows hard and continues to stare at Bucky.

"I heard him outside. Of course I wanted to get his attention." He states, as if completely obvious. The brunette walks back over and gently takes Steve's face, using the cool towel to wipe the drying cum off his face.

"Is the water too hot?" He asks softly, rubbing the blonde's face gently. Steve shakes his head and squirms a bit, "Good. I have bubble bath if you want it, it's rose scented."

"You're single and have rose scented bubble bath?" Steve questions, allowing himself a small chuckle. Bucky jokingly frowns at him;

"I've had that since I dated my ex, so ha." He taunts, "Brock tried to make me be more feminine then I actually am. Toxic masculinity. I left him when I realized what he was trying to do."

"Huh, sound familiar?" Steve snips in annoyance. Bucky frowns, for real this time, and stands up, going to get the soap.

"Is this Loki character going to come back?"

Steve sighs heavily and buries his face in his hands;

"I think he is... he moved in next door for prostitution. He told me that..."

"That what?" Bucky inquires, expression darkening.

"If his clients pay extra he might let them use me too... Buck, i-it's bad enough when you have sex with me, I-I don't want... there's always a risk of STDs and-"

"Steve." He interrupts, causing Steve to glance up at him, "That prick's never gonna touch you again. I promise you, you're safe with me."

Steve looks back down at the water, which was now covered in a thin layer of floral smelling bubbles. He just wanted to go home.

* * *

 **Oof, I'm so sorry for not uploading sooner. Life and shit, ya know?**


	17. Chapter 17

**I know this skip ahead in time may be slightly annoying, but I'm impatient and wanna get to sum plot**

* * *

 _ **5 months later**_

 _Steve's POV_

Rain falls in sheets outside the window, occasional flashes and low rumbles in the distance. Steve was sitting in the den, surrounded by blankets and crumpled up sketch paper, wearing only a baggy sweatshirt and underwear. His now shaggy hair fell over his eyes a bit, neither Bucky nor Loki wanted to cut his hair, it was easier to grab and pull like this. He didn't mind too bad, it just tangled easier. He grits his teeth and crumples up another piece of paper, tossing it to the side in annoyance. This time a few months ago he would've made a run for it, but he had to admit, living with Bucky got better with time. The Loki situation still sucked, but at least he always made sure the guys didn't have STDs.

"C'mon Rogers." He mumbles to himself before angrily beginning to draw again. Today was Bucky's 32nd birthday and he wanted to make it special, so he wanted to _finally_ finish the angel commission. Except the pen to his drawing pad died and Bucky couldn't find a replacement charger anywhere. So he was back to square one.

 _*BOOM!*_

A loud thunderclap causes Steve to jump and the entire apartment shook from its force. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head, before going back to drawing, glancing up at the clock and noticing it was past 4:45, Bucky was gonna be back from work in less than an hour. Steve quickly goes back to work, reaching for the fancy erasers Bucky had bought him for Christmas. God he loved his mother and how hard she worked for him but Bucky was able to afford so much more high quality art supplies.

After about half an hour he gets the line work down and begins to color, relying heavily on light yellows and whites for him and steely grays for the now added Bucky. Another 15 minutes passes and he decides to go to the bathroom to put on some makeup. Bucky liked it when he made love to him.

Steve goes back over to the couch and cleans up the area around him before finishing up the shading and coloring, he hears the door unlock and smiles widely.

"Hate to break it to you but 32 is getting a little too old for my tastes." He teases, before turning around. All the color drains from his face. That wasn't Bucky. And it wasn't Loki either. It was two men, one he recognized as Bucky's shitty ex, Brock. The other he had no clue.

"Who the hell are you?" Brock questions gruffly as Steve tries to hide his bare legs underneath the blanket.

"How the fuck did you get in?!" He snarls defensively, these guys were big and intimidating, but he didn't care.

"Buck's still shit at hiding the spare key- we thought we'd stop buy and give 'im a little birthday present. What are you his new boy toy?"

"I'm not his 'boy toy'." He growls through gritted teeth, "He's getting back in a few minutes so I'd recommend you scram it befor-"

"You're that kid who went missing." The other man interrupts, "In October, it was all over the news."

Brock's jaw drops and his eyes start gleaming;

"Shit, Jack you're right." He begins to walk over to the couch, where Steve was eyeing him warily, "Hmm, I see he's still got good taste."

"Touch me and that hand comes off." Steve warns, he didn't know exactly how to follow through on that threat, but it was worth a shot.

"Feisty, I like it. What was your name? S... Sean? S-Sam? No! Stan!"

"Steve." He corrects in annoyance, glancing at the clock. Brock notices and grins;

"Aw, you're waiting for Buck to come home, huh?"

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Well we were gonna-"

"Fuck the shit out of Barnes." Jack finishes as Brock nods enthusiastically. Steve's breath starts to quicken, so he does something any logically person wouldn't do and bursts up and towards the door. Jack tackles him to the ground and throws off his sweatshirt. Brock pulls out some tape, chuckling in excitement at Steve's lack of pants.

"You just want it so bad don't ya?" He teases as Steve angrily struggles underneath Jack's weight. His asthma starts to kick in, much to his dismay and Brock starts to tape his hands together, "Should we take 'im in the room or nah?"

Jack looks around and Brock notices his gaze stops at the smoke hood over the gas stove. They share a knowing look and hoist Steve up off the ground and over to the stove. They tape his hands to the hood and Steve cries out in protest, unable to actually speak. If only they gave him his fucking inhaler. He felt like he was gonna pass out.

Jack starts to undo his belt while Brock turns on the stove, first putting it on low, but then progressively increasing the high of the flame. Steve's teeth start to chatter and his desperately tries to prevent tears from falling, his lower stomach was actually on fire.

"Let's see why Barnes thought you were a better lay than Brock." Jack growls as he pulls Steve's underwear down just enough for access, and slides in without warning. No prep or anything.

"S- *wheeze* STO-OP *wheeze* GET THE F-FU- *cough* OFF!" Steve screeches. God this was so much worse than his first time with Bucky. He tries to kick Jack off but instead the tape begins to peel off and he falls chest fire into the flames. He screams in pain before Jack pulls him off and onto the floor, taping his calves to the wood and continuing to fuck him.

"You wanna know why Jack gets to fuck you instead of me?" Brock questions as Steve grits his teeth and starts convulsing, trying to hold back the tears and cough, "We just found out he has HIV, we wanted ta give it to Buck but-"

"LOKI! CALL THE COPS" Steve screams, squirming now more than ever. He knew Loki most likely wasn't home, but it was worth a shot. When he found out he was bi, he looked up the chance of getting HIV and as the bottom there was a 2% chance. With his luck it might as well be 100, "B-Bucky..." He whimpers into his arm, hardly even noticing Brock walking over with a knife.

"I could use tape for this, but this is much more fun." He grins before picking up Steve's hand and driving the knife through it and into the cabinet. Steve screams again and goes limp. Everything hurt, and he wanted to fight back, but his body just gave up. He was done. So he did the only thing he could and let them do whatever the fuck they wanted.

 _Bucky's POV_

Today was actually a pretty good day. When he woke up Steve was still asleep, so he left him be before going to work and seeing the entire staff chipped in and bought him donuts and coffee. Then Sam and a couple of his friends he recognized from Steve's instagram threw some confetti at him before they left for an early St. Patricks Day party. He walks home in the rain, grumbling a bit as a wind gust gave him a chill and walks into the apartment complex. He jogs up the stairs and he raises an eyebrow when he gets to his floor, seeing Loki on the phone standing outside _his_ door.

"Yes I don't know the circumstances... mmhm, please send a unit or two, thank you... should I- oh okay, I'll stay on." He mumbles, before moving his phone from his ear and glancing around nervously.

"What's going on?" Bucky questions as he tucks his hair behind his ear and walks over to his door, hearing voices inside. He takes a step back and grabs Loki by the neck, pinning him to the opposite wall, "Who the hell did you let in?!"

"No one! I swear! I heard some yelling and then Steve started screaming for my help! Your spare key is gone and the door is jammed." Loki explains calmly. Bucky drops him as the realization of what was most likely going on dawns on him. He storms up to the door and starts pounding;

"BROCK! BROCK GET YOUR SORRY ASS OUT OF THERE! I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! DON'T YOU FUCKING _DARE_ TOUCH STEVE!" He snarls, throwing himself against the door to knock it down.

 _"Why don't you go and jerk off by yourself like you used to when we dated."_ Brock's gravelly voice sneers through the door. Bucky could hear grunting and whimpering in the background.

"Barnes. Barnes! Don't hurt yourself! The door isn't going to break!" Loki yells as he tries to pull Bucky away, "The police are coming I-"

"The cops?" He interrupts, swallowing hard, "D-Did you just say you're called the _cops?"_

"Yes." The taller yet scrawnier man states, "Would you rather him be stuck in there with them or get him help and the medical treatment he needs?"

Bucky puts his ear up to the door and tears begin to stream down his cheeks. He wasn't ready to lose Steve... he wasn't ready to say goodbye and get locked up for god only knows how long. The elevator door opens and three cops walk out, one of which was Dum Dum, all having their hands on their guns.

"This the place?" One of them questions as Loki nods and points. Bucky takes a shaky breath and looks away, teeth chattering from anxiety. They go up to the door and knock, giving the formal 'NYPD, open the door' before shooting the door handle and storming into the room.

" _Step away from the kid, NOW!_ "

" _Woah, officers... I think we're getting off on the wron-_ "

* _BANG_ *

Bucky winces and is almost tempted to sprint down the stairs and run out the building, but a stern look from Loki makes him stop. Dum Dum walks out and turns Bucky around, cuffing him swiftly and pinning him to the wall;

"You shouldn't have brought the kid into your thing with Brock."

"I-I didn't want him to-"

"You shouldn't have brought the kid into this _period_ , you wanted to make up for killing the Lieutenant?" He takes a deep breath to calm down before continuing, "This was not the way to do it."

Bucky lets out a small whimper as Dum Dum begins to lead him downstairs, on site medics sprinting past them, "Just please make sure he's gonna be okay..."

* * *

 **Okay so I know the Steve part got jumbled up a bit so here's some clarification if you need it. So basically, Rumlow and Rollins wanted to get revenge on Bucky for dumping Rumlow an indeterminate amount prior, so when they found out Rollins had HIV they wanted to give it to Bucky. But since he wasn't home, ya know, they just decided to do all that shit to Steve, including stabbing his hand bc I watched TWS recently and Steve did that to a guy on the Lemurian Star and oof did it look like it hurt.**


	18. Chapter 18

_Sarah's POV_

When she first got the call about Steve's disappearance, she genuinely did not believe it. Then when the police found his phone on the side of the freeway, she fucking lost it. Everyone seemed almost afraid to give her any comfort, their excuse was that losing her son was the same as losing her husband. That Joseph's death somehow _lessened_ the pain of losing Steve, or that she would get through it easier because she'd already gone through that pain once. It took almost three months of wallowing and grieving for her to finally get back onto her feet.

And kill herself.

Not literally of course, although she was close a few times. She killed her former self. She stopped caring about societal expectations and judgement. She'd given birth almost 20 years ago yet never quite lost the baby weight, so she started working out to the point where she became buff, shaved the side of her head, stopped wearing makeup, and despite swearing to herself to never get a tattoo, her entire back became a canvas painted by her boys deaths. And she started to date around a bit.

But she didn't just change physically. Over the last five months she became more quiet and determined, she stopped going to church, started working longer more grueling hours. Anything, _anything_ to preoccupy her tortured mind. The police told her Steve was most likely murdered and the sick fucks who did it burned his body and buried his ashes somewhere in the forest. She mostly distracted herself as to not imagine his fear in his last moments.

Sarah was at the gym on that stormy March day when she got the call. She was beating the ever loving shit out of a punching bag, her hair coming out of its lopsided ponytail. She feels the buzz in her pocket and takes a deep breath before stepping away from the sand bag and putting the phone up to her ear;

"Hello-... yes this is she... yeah I'm his emergency contact wh-"

She lowers the phone from her ear despite the person on the other line continuing to talk, her jaw drops slightly and her hands begin to shake.

* * *

She was at the hospital within ten minutes. She just grabbed her shit and sprinted the twelve blocks to her work, bursting through the main doors and up to the front desk.

"Where is he?!" She snips as the receptionist looks up at her and physically jumps;

"How'd you get here so fa-"

"Where the hell is he?!" She snarls again as another nurse notices and goes up to her.

"Sarah, he's on the 5th floor, room 523- Wait!"

Sarah was halfway in the elevator by the end of her sentence. The other nurse quickly goes after her and makes it into the elevator just in time for the doors to close. Sarah pushes on the fifth floor button impatiently gritting her teeth.

"Sarah, you need to take a deep brea-"

"I haven't seen my son in five months, I'll take a deep breath when I'm holding him, Ingrid." She spits. The door opens back up on the fifth floor and she books it out of there and into the correct room. Leaving her bag with Ingrid, who huffs in annoyance before picking it up and jogging after her.

The blonde scans the room numbers and practically launches herself into 523.

And crumples into a sobbing mess.

 _Steve's POV_

He knew he'd passed out in Bucky's apartment, the asthma mixed with the burns and, well, _stabbing_ all resulted in his body going into shutdown. Now he felt himself begin to wake up. Someone was holding his head... and crying. Was it Bucky? It had to be Bucky, but this bed didn't feel like his. And they didn't smell like him. It was so familiar yet he couldn't pin point it. He groans slightly and leans into whoever this was, liking their attention.

"Mmmm, Bucky..." He mumbles, just hoping it was him.

"No... Steven no... you'll never have to see him again..." The person mumbles, kissing him on the head. He groans again and crinkles is nose before opening his eyes.

"Mom?" He asks quietly, still unsure if it was actually her. She looked different.

"Yes, Steve yes it's me..." She whimpers, covering his face in kisses, "Oh god I missed you so much."

"You shaved the side of your head." He mumbles, Sarah let's out a small, tearful laugh and brushes the hair out of his face, "So you said no when _I_ wanted to do it?"

"My little shit." She chuckles, pressing another kiss onto his temple, "The shave is nothing, look at my back." She turns around and pulls the back of her shirt up so Steve had a clear view. His jaw drops and he tries to sit up, leaning on his injured hand and hissing in pain, falling back down. Sarah notices and quickly turns back around and goes to help him.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, mom I'm-"

Sarah completely ignores him and goes to get some fresh gaze and some antibacterial spray. She unwraps the original and moves so her son couldn't see the gruesome wound. She'd seen some truly awful injuries, some probably worse than this, but the fact it was her Steve...

"Where's Bucky?" He asks quietly, gritting his teeth as the disinfectant spray hit his wound.

"In a holding cell in the NYPD headquarters. All we have to do is press charges and you'll never _ever_ have to see hi-"

"What if... What if I don't want to press charges?" Steve interrupts timidly, looking away, "I want to see him again."

"Steve what on Earth are you talking about?"

"Bucky's one of the sweetest, most thoughtful and considerate people I've ever met-"

"The man that kidnapped you. The man that r-raped you." She states in utter disbelief.

"Yeah... him." He mumbles sheepishly, "Yeah, we didn't meet in the most conventional way but once he dropped his whole creepy, rapey act I... I don't know, I just want to see him again..."

Sarah clenches her jaw and takes a deep breath, trying to control her overprotective nature;

"You're an adult, and I respect your decision. I'm just... this man left you like that-"

"Bucky wasn't there when Brock and Jack broke in."

"Who?"

"The guys that..." He trails off, the computer monitoring his heart rate beeping faster and faster. Sarah puts a hand on his arm and kisses him on the forehead again.

"Steve, you're safe." She assures, "Everything is okay, one of those men is dead."

"Really?"

"Yes, when the officers showed up one of them came at them with a knife and they shot and killed him."

Steve nods quietly, before taking a shaky breath and looking away;

"I just wanna see Bucky, okay?"

"Fine... o-once you're discharged we'll go and see him."

"Thank you."

 _Bucky's POV_

"I can't fucking believe this. I CAN'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT WAS YOU!" Sam snarls as he slams on the bars of Bucky's holding cell. He keeps his gaze glued to the concrete floor and tries to blink away the rapidly approaching tears. Nat and Tony quickly go over and hold Sam back, but he wasn't having any of it, "You saw how much it effected us. You saw how much it hurt! You watched and said NOTHING when Peggy came to work and broke down sobbing when she told me the cops said Steve was dead-"

"Sam!" Nat hisses as she gestures for him to calm down.

"Wilson, we're all pissed beyond belief but you need to relax." Tony snips, before turning around and shooting Bucky a death glare.

"I'm sorry okay. Steve's just... he's just so..."

"Awesome?"

"Caring?"

"Genuine?

Bucky sniffs and nods, looking up at them.

"He didn't want to give me a chance, but I needed a chance-"

"Well maybe if you hadn't gone on so strong."

"And he wasn't dating someone."

"Where is his girlfriend? P...enelope?"

"Peggy." Sam corrects, Nat putting up her hand to stop him from saying any more.

"She's heading to the hospital with her friend and his brother." Nat explains, pointing to Tony.

"What about his mom?" He asks quietly. Somehow it only now hit him just how hard it must've been for Lieutenant's wife.

"She's definitely there." Sam snarls, his hand forming into a fist.

"Cool it Arthur-"

"Arthur?" He questions defensively, Tony rolling his eyes dismissively.

"I'm referring to your fist geniu-"

"Excuse me." A voice interrupts, making them all jump. An officer and another man dressed in a white lab coat walk up behind them, "I'm sorry but you kids need to leave. We're starting to psychological analysis."

"What? Are you just going to tell me how fucked up I am?"

"Yes." The psychiatrist states in a vaguely Eastern European accent, "This will tell us whether or not you belong in a jail cell or a mental institution."

Bucky watches Steve's friends walk off before sighing, "Is there even a difference between the two?"

The officer opens the cell door and cuffs Bucky again before leading them out into a different room and strapping him into a lie detector, where a new person was waiting.

"Now that we are all set up, lets get started."

* * *

 **Oof sorry that the end of the chapter is kinda clunky and awkward, but the next part kinda needs a whole chapter. Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed! I've been wanting to write the Steve/Sarah reunion since I decided to have Bucky actually kidnap Steve.**


	19. Chapter 19

Bucky's POV

"We need a baseline for your vitals... is your name James Barnes?" The lie detector operator asks. Bucky takes a deep breath and nods;

"Yes."

"How old are you James?"

"32 today." He answers, the man giving him a small frown.

The operator gives Bucky an unamused look, "Dr. Zemo will be giving you a psychological evaluation to determine whether or not you are mentally sound."

"I'm not insane." Bucky defends, clenching his fists slightly, causing the security guard in the room to step forwards in warning.

"We have a source that says you knew your victim's father, is that correct?" Zemo questions. Bucky takes a deep breath to calm down and nods.

"Yes."

"And you feel fully responsible for his death."

"Yes." He answers through gritted teeth. Zemo looks up at the lie detector, who nods.

"He's telling the truth."

"Good. Did that incident have any influence on why you became infatuated with Mr. Rogers?"

"No."

The operator watches the polygraph form and shook his head, "He's lying." He states. Zemo raises an eyebrow and Bucky frowns.

"I'm not lying."

"Are you sure?" The psychiatrist inquires, leaning back into his chair.

"Yes, I-I mean, once I found out his dad was Lieutenant Rogers I noticed how much they look alike, but..."

"But what?"

"I never consciously made the decision to keep Steve safe for him. I fell in love with Steve before I knew about his dad."

"James, can I be honest with you?" Zemo questions, taking off his glasses and setting them on the table, "I don't think you're a danger to the public, and you seem like a nice enough man. But if Rogers decides to press charges, you will be going away for a long time. And there is nothing you can do about it."

Bucky swallows hard and nods.

"Okay, thank you..."

* * *

Steve's POV

"The left half is for you and the right for your father." Sarah explains as Steve stares at her tattooed back in awe.

"What do those mean?" He questions, pointing to the two columns of numbers and letters on each side of her back. *im gonna draw and insert a picture of the tattoos here*

"The left side of each row is the birthdate and right the death date." She answers, swallowing hard. Steve furrows his brows and stares at his.10-13-17. It was just strange seeing that. That's his death date. That's when everyone thought he was dead. He begins to wonder if maybe there was a death certificate made.

"Mom?"

"Yes honey?"  
"I'm sorry…" He mumbles, looking down. Sarah gently takes his chin and brings it up.

"What on Earth are you sorry for?"

"Making you worry." He mumbles. Sarah lets out a small sad laugh and kisses him on the forehead protectively.

"Steve none of this is your fault-"

"Yes it is."

"How? Did you invite him to do this?"

"No, no, of course not. I just…didn't leave. I had so many chances but I didn't leave. And now I have to get tested for HIV and-"

"What?" Sarah interrupts, all the blood draining from her face.

"Jack, the guy who… he had HIV. He wanted to give it to Bucky but I was home and…"

"He tried to give it to you." She finishes, hands shaking. Steve noticed how terrified she looked and puts a hand on her arm to calm her down.

"Mom." He says quietly, leaning into her, "I'll be okay."

She gives him a small, sad smile and nods.

"You always are."

Steve smiles back before hearing rapidly approaching footsteps from outside the room. Then, faster as a bullet, Peggy was on the bed and kissing him on the lips passionately.

"You're alright." She breathes out in between small sobs. Steve instantly freezes up and his heart rate skyrockets.

"Stop!" He squeaks, pulling his head away. He couldn't understand why but he hated that. It made him feel so uncomfortable. Peggy pulls away as well and Sarah stares at him in concern.

"Steve what's wrong?" She questions urgently, grabbing Steve's face and inspecting it. Peggy stood next to the bed in stunned silence. Did she do something wrong?

"N-Nothing, I don't think…" He mutters, before looking up at Peggy and feeling a massive wave of guilt hit him. She didn't light that spark in him anymore. He couldn't look at her and say he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. It almost broke his heart.

"Peggy I-"

"Haha, bye Howard. See you real soon." A sultry voice chuckles from outside the room as Howard stumbles in, neck covered in lipstick and hair a mess.

"Goodbye intern Maria-"

"Howard!" Peggy snips as she smacks him upside the head and drags him into the room.

"Good to see you haven't changed." Steve chuckles with a small grin. Howards smiles sheepishly and rubs the back of his neck.

"It's good to see you. Tony and Sam have been worried sick about you. Mostly Sam though."

"You too." He couldn't help but not feel too concerned about Sam and Tony. Sure, he cares about them but he has bigger things on his mind. Namely, Bucky, where he was at and when Steve would see him again. He was pulled out of his thoughts by an announcement over the intercoms.

"Can Howard Stark please report to the third floor lobby? I've got a surprise for you." Howard perks up and pats Steve's shoulder a couple times.

"That was Maria, I've got to go. I really hope you get better." He says before running out of the room, leaving the three of them.

"That was quick…" Steve nearly scoffs and shakes his head.

"Um, can I talk to him alone for a bit?" Peggy asks cautiously, unsure of how Sarah would react. Steve looks up at his mother and nods.

"Yeah, you've been here for a while, maybe you should get a little rest."

Sarah stares at him, very hesitant to leave his side.

"I'll go home to take a shower and change into my work clothes." She says, biting her lip a bit before kissing Steve again, "I'll be back in 45 minutes."

"Okay, bye mom."

"Bye Ms. Rogers." Peggy says as Sarah picks up her bag and walks out of the room, keeping her eye on Steve as long as she could before leaving, "Steve, what happened to you?" She asks in concern, looking as his gauzed hand and the burn peeking out from his hospital gown.

"A lot." He mumbles, not making eye contact.

"Okay… why did you act so strange when I tried to kiss you?" She questions, putting a hand on his arm. He pulls it away, her touch tingling in the worst way possible. Now that he thought about it his mother made him feel the same way. And Howard… "Steve?"

Steve looks up at her and bites his lip.

"Peggy, I, uh, I don't know why but please don't touch me." Steve mumbles quietly, moving away.

"What did Barnes do to you?" She mutters, now making eye contact with the bedsheets.

"He didn't do anything. At least not recently. I just… I don't want you to touch me."

Peggy looks at him with a sort of confused look. "Did I do something wrong?" She whispers softly. Steve shakes his head and sighs softly;

"No, of course not. I just need to figure some things out." He explains. God he felt so bad. Peggy didn't deserve this. He didn't want to break up with her. There's a small pause between them before Steve speaks.

"Where is everyone else?" He asks quietly.

"Tony, Sam, and Natasha are all confronting Barnes, they should be her-"

"I don't want them to make Buck feel any worse than he already does."

"But Steve-"

"He's a really sweet guy. He just made some bad choices-"

"Uh, yeah, I'd say kidnapping is a poor sense of judgment." She snips back. Steve clenches his jaw and sits up some more.

"Look, I know you care about me-"

"That's an understatement."

Steve blinks a couple times and stares at her in disbelief. That was the closest she's ever come to saying 'I love you.' "But…" He tries to find the right words, Peggy's angry gaze boring a hole through his soul, "Right now I need to figure out some things-"

"What are these 'things' exactly?! Because you keep mentioning them and-"

"I'm not going to press charges!" Steve snarls, interrupting her. The brunette blinks a couple times, chocolate brown eyes as wide as saucers.

"What did you just say?" She questions, mouth gaped open a bit. She couldn't believe what she heard, her ears must have tricked her.

"I said… I'm not pressing charges against Bucky." He snips quietly, face burning. Peggy stares at him for a bit longer before picking her up bag and taking a deep breath.

"Do you want to end things?"

Steve closes his eyes and nods. It was like ripping off the world's most painful bandage.

"Fine… Good luck telling your mother you won't hold Barnes accountable. I'm sure she'll love hearing that."

With that, she was gone, tears streaming down her cheeks. Steve leans back in the bed, teeth chattering from anxiety. Oh god, his mother, she wasn't going to kill him, she was going to kill Bucky.

* * *

Bucky's POV

After they finished up the psychological exam Bucky went back to his cell. His heart and mind were both racing. In his soul he desperately wanted to believe that Steve was going to let him go. That he was going to stay with him. Realistically, he was going to prison and not coming out for a long time. As his mind wandered farther and farther into the future, his hair grey and face wrinkled as he rotted away in a cell, the only thing that would truly make it hell is the reality that he would never see Steve again. He'd never wake up to his beautiful face in the morning. Never hear him laugh again, or make love to him again. He doesn't know if he'll be able to handle that.


	20. Chapter 20

_Steve's POV_

He had been sitting in the hospital room for god only knows how long by himself. Probably only about half an hour but it still sucked. Peggy probably hated him. And rightfully so. Another couple minutes go by and his mother runs back into the room in her nurse scrubs, hair soaking wet.

"Steve I- Where's Peggy?"

"She left." He mumbles, blushing hard and turning away. Sarah notices how uncomfortable he looks and sits down next to him on the bed.

"Honey, what's the matter?" She questions in concern, brushing his bangs out of his face with the back of her hand. Steve freezes up and bats away her hand.

"D-Don't... We broke up." He mumbles, clenching his jaw and looking away, "I'm not pressing charges against Bucky."

"Steve…"

"Don't try to change my mind, it's not going to wor-"

"Steve, you _can't_ do that. It's the state that presses charges." She explains, leaning down to kiss him. Steve moves away and grips the blanket tightly. Sarah stares at him with a heartbroken expression, "Steven…"

"I-I can't explain it… but human contact is making me uncomfortable."

"But I'm your mother." She croaks, reaching for him again. Steve grunts in annoyance and leans on his bad hand to try and get away, gritting his teeth in pain.

"Mom please!" He snips, putting his hand up to keep her from getting closer. He suddenly feels incredibly guilty and looks over, yet avoiding eye contact, "Please… just don't touch me…"

Sarah swallows hard and nods, moving away and failing to hide her incoming tears.

"The, uh, the front desk said you'll be discharged tonight… I was thinking maybe you could spend the night in your old room, be around familiar things. It'll be good for you." She says, although it came out more like a whimper.

"Bucky's bed is familiar." He mumbles, "I want to be there. I want to be with him."

"Steve please… I know you're going through some sort of Stockholm Syndrome but at least pretend to be happy to see me. It's killing me to see you this way." She whispers, choking up, "You were gone for five months. Can you even begin to imagine what that was like for me-"

"For you?" Steve interrupts, hand turning into a fist, "Mom I was the one that was fucking kidnapped."

"St-Steve watch your tongue-"

"No. When you found out I wasn't dead you didn't care about how I was feeling, did you? All you were thinking about was yourself." He snarls. Why was he being like this? He couldn't quite pinpoint where this anger was coming from but it was there.

"Steven Grant." She hisses, tears now freely falling down her cheeks, "How _dare_ you claim I don't care about you!"

"Well it's true!"

* * *

 _ **Brooklyn, New York: July 4th, 1998**_

" _Joseph? Its me, I know I'm not due for another month but I think I'm getting labor cramps."_

" _The cramps are getting worse, I truly think I'm in- ah! Please call back."_

" _My water just broke, this is happening, answer the phone!"_

" _I know we aren't on the best terms at the moment but this is your child too."_

" _I'm on my way to the hospital now, PICK UP!"_

" _I-I'm- AH! I'm in the delivery room, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!"_

" _He's a boy." The nurse says with a smile, bringing a small crying bundle to a disheveled, sweaty, and heavily breathing Sarah. She looks over and can't help but give a small smile as she's handed the baby._

" _Hi there." She mumbles, pressing a small kiss to his forehead. He instantly calms down and coos a bit, snuggling into her chest, "Can you give us a little time alone?" She asks as the nurse nods and obliges, leaving swiftly._

 _Sarah looks back down at him and bites her lip, a couple tears dripping down her face. She lets out a small, tearful chuckle and kisses him again, "Hi Steven."_

 _Steven. That seemed like a name that would fit him. Steven Grant. She debated whether or not to give him her maiden name, but decides against it. Joseph would throw a fit if she does that. Steve yawns and begins to fall asleep, Sarah staring at him with what could only be described as the epitome of pure love and adoration. They stay like that for a couple minutes before her phone rings, waking Steve up. She quickly tries to calm him down before answering it._

" _Hello?"_

" _Sarah?"_

" _Yes, Joseph where the hell have you been?! I've been trying to contact you for the last ten hours!" She whisper-yells, trying not to disturb Steve._

" _I got drunk again._ "

 _Her blood starts to boil. Why would she ever think a 23 year old Irish man would give up drinking for her? "What did you do this time?" She nearly snarls._

" _Got in a fist fight… and caused some property damage. Sarah I need 1200 dollars. I know we're a little tight on money right now but-_ "

 _Steve starts crying and Sarah jams the phone between her ear and shoulder as she lowers him down to her chest to eat._

" _Is that a baby? Where are you?_ "

" _That's your son you-" She looks down at Steve and takes a deep breath, "He was early."_

" _Ya didn't even call?_ "

 _She takes the phone and hangs up, leaning back into the bed. He was going to be pissed when he got out of jail but she didn't care. All that mattered right now was Steve, this precious little thing in her arms, "I promise I'll take care of you, my grá mo chroí (sweetheart in old Irish gaelic)… I love you so much."_

* * *

 _Steve's POV_

He didn't expect his mother to start crying like that. Truly, he didn't. She always seemed so strong and collected. But there she was, covering her face and sobbing into her hands. It was almost as bad as when they found out his dad died. She stands up and runs out of the room, presumably to the nearest bathroom, guilt continuing to eat him alive. Just a few moments after that, Nat walks into the room, clutching her chest.

"Oh my god, I just saw your mom run past crying, I thought you had died or something." She breaths before pulling up a chair and plopping herself next to him, "We talked to Barnes, Sam _really_ gave it to him-"

"Nat, you shouldn't be here." Steve mumbles, not making eye contact, "Every woman I've talked to today has walked out feeling like shit because of me."

Nat furrows her brows and gives him a confused look, "What does that mean?"

"I broke up with Peggy and told my mom she doesn't care about me. Is that enough to answer your question?" He snips, at this point he might as well ruin all his closest relationships. Nat leans over and smacks him upside the head.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" She snaps, Steve holds the back of his head and glares at her.

"What's wrong with _me_?! What the hell is wrong with you?!" He snarls back. Nat purses her lips and frowns.

"Why would you break up with Peggy?"

"Because..."

"Because why?"

"Because it didn't seem right anymore." He mumbles, arms crossed. "I don't look at her the same way I used to."  
"Okay whatever, you don't see her the same way, but that couldn't have waited until _after_ things have settled down? She thought you were dead, we all did."

"She bad mouthed Bucky. I couldn't just let her-"

"Yes you could. You absolutely could have."

"No I couldn't. Nat you have no idea how much Bucky cares about me." Steve defends. Nat's frown deepens and she gets in his face;

"You really think he cares more about you than your mom? Telling her she doesn't care about you after thinking you were _dead_ is probably the worst thing I've ever heard." She snarls, before standing up and heading towards the door, "If you want to distance yourself, fine. But Barnes is going away for a _minimum_ of five years." She explains before leaving.

Steve grits his teeth and tucks his knees to his chest, hissing in pain as his knees touched his burns. He forgot about them. He rolls over and yells into the pillow for a bit, staring at the opposite wall and silently crying. Everything was just so messed up and he had no idea how to fix it. He just wanted to see Bucky.


	21. Chapter 21

_**1 month later**_

 _Bucky's POV_

He's been in prison for three weeks now. Even after Steve testified and begged them not to convict him, Bucky was 21 days into a 915 day sentence without bail. But if he even so much as touches another inmate, his time will double. And worst of all, they wouldn't let Steve see him. He has to go a minimum of two and a half years without seeing his Stevie.

And it didn't help his situation at all that-

"Hey James." Rumlow smirks as he walks up behind Bucky in his own orange jumpsuit, giving him a playful pat on the ass, "How're you holding up?"

"Fuck you." Bucky snarls, jerking away from him, "Neither of us would've been in here and your friend would still be alive if you just left me the fuck alone."

"Awww, but then I couldn't've seen your boy. You really did pick a good twink. Still got good taste." Brock says with a wink before leaning on the wall next to him, "Can't believe you got to hit that kid everyday. I still have a hard time thinking of you as a top though. You were a sweetass bottom."

Bucky grits his teeth and closes his hand into a fist. He tries to calm himself by taking a deep breath and glancing over at a nearby guard. Oh god it was so tempting to beat the shit out of Brock, but he couldn't afford that two extra years. He didn't want to get out closer to 40 than 30. And Brock knew that.

"Speaking of bottoms." He mutters with a grin, Bucky looking up at him with a glare, "C'mon, for old time's sake."

"You're the reason my life fell apart." He hisses, "Why the fuck would I _ever_ want to hook up with you?"

"Because for the next two years I'm all you've got."

 _Steve's POV_

Everything about his life was so different now. Everyone around him walked on eggshells. No one would even _say_ Bucky's name. They were afraid it'd trigger some sort of PTSD. The only thing it triggered was how much he missed Bucky.

Steve was sitting in his dorm, alone, scrolling through all the commissions people had sent in since he was kidnapped. He wanted to draw. He really needed the money but, he just couldn't force himself to do it. He didn't really give the court ordered therapist much to work with either. All the shit he was going through was his and he didn't want to dump that on someone else, even if it was their job.

Since the semester had changed, Sam moved to a new dorm so he could be with Tony's friend Rhodey instead of alone. It made sense, but now it sucked because Steve couldn't figure out his new roommate's schedule. He was an African exchange student named T'Challa, he was nice enough from the couple short conversations they had through the days but, other than that, he didn't really know him. He seems like the judgemental type. Not that that was a bad thing.

After a couple more minutes he decides to plug in his earbuds and scroll through youtube. It was just easier to watch videos with earbuds in. He begins scrolling through his feed, not even knowing where to start. He decides to just go to the Ted X channel and try and find a couple good Ted Talks he could waste his time watching before having to go to his graphic design class. He scrolls through the channel, frowning a bit at his inability to find a good one, before his heart stops.

 _How loss builds strength_

His mother was in the thumbnail. She did a Ted Talk? His hand starts to shake before he taps it and bites his lip as it starts up.

 _ **2 months earlier**_

 _Sarah's POV_

" _Don't worry Ms. Rogers. You're going to do amazing." Peggy encourages as Sarah takes a shaky breath and stares up at the empty stage. A person walks up and helps her put her microphone._

" _You're on in one minute."_

" _I don't think I can do this." Sarah murmurs, putting her hand over the microphone so no one could hear. Peggy gives her a sad look and puts a hand on her shoulder._

" _Do you know all your lines?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Have you practiced this a thousand times?"_

" _Yes but-"_

" _Then there's nothing to worry about. We're all going to be right here supporting you." Peggy assures as Tony, Howard, Sam, and Nat all look up and nod._

" _You're going to do great!"_

" _Go get 'em!"_

 _Sarah smiles at them before looking back at Peggy and swallowing hard._

" _What if I get too choked up?"_

" _Then take a deep breath and think about the time when Steve-"_

" _You're on." The same man from before states. Sarah freezes up before Peggy pushes her up._

" _Break a leg!" She whisper yells as the room of around 500 people goes silent. Sarah takes a deep breath before taking the remote that changed the visuals and walking onto the stage. She looks around at all the people, then glances at the camera before speaking._

" _You know when you're a little kid, and you always dreamed about your future? And you always imagined marrying the person of your dreams, living in a big house with a yard, and your few little kids running around with your purebred golden? As a little kid, you never anticipate reality. You never anticipate the loss and grief that you will inevitably experience." She glances at Peggy, who smiles and gives her a thumbs up, "I am 41 years old, and I've lost both my parents, my husband, and my son."_

 _She looks around the crowd and notices a couple people put their hands over their mouths._

" _I had ambitious dreams when I was a little girl. I am an Irish-American immigrant who would never have even dreamed of leaving the country. I absolutely loved it there. My plan in life was to move to Dublin, become a news anchor, then marry the man of my dreams in a large, extravagant wedding ceremony, then move into a large house in the suburbs." She takes another deep breath before pressing a button and a slightly grainy picture of two little kids, one boy and one girl, sitting in a field eating a picnic together, "This was taken two days after I was forced to kiss this kid in a game of spin the bottle." She switches the slide again, now showing a very awkward yearbook picture of the boy, the entire crowd chuckling. "If you had told me then I was going to marry Joey Rogers, I would have punched you in the face."_

 _She looks up at the picture and takes a shaky breath before continuing;_

" _But after that dumb little picnic date where both of our parents were only sitting a couple feet away, we became best friends. Jarah, kids gave us a couple name before couple names were even a thing." She flips through a couple more pictures, each with them becoming progressively older, until she stops at their 8th grade graduation._

" _Then in the summer of 1990, we went from best friends to dating, which really wasn't that big of a transition. Instead of platonically holding hands we began kissing. Then from kissing to… well I think you can all guess." She laughs, before glancing at Peggy again, who smiles and nods, giving her a thumbs up._

" _Everything was going fantastic, until our junior year in high school when Joseph's father's work transferred him from Limerick to New York City." She takes a deep breath, thinking back on how heartbroken she was on the day he left. "I was absolutely destroyed when he left. He was my whole world, my rock, my protector, the man I had already told myself I was going to marry and the man I had predestined to be the father of my children." She clears her throat a bit. "We had kept in touch a bit, but not as much as either of us had liked. He finished up high school and went to business school for two years in the US and I stayed in Ireland and worked on a degree in journalistic writing, I wanted to be a correspondent for CNN, ambitious, I know."_

 _Peggy mouths something along the lines of 'you're rambling a bit' and Sarah instantly starts to feel pressure again._

" _Th-Then, excuse me, then my university gave me the opportunity to study abroad and gain an internship at NBC, in New York City. It meant I got to see Joe again and I was head over heels excited. So, at 20 years old, I waved my parents and their dog behind and got onto a plane to New York and never looked back. And seeing him again… Meeting Joseph at the airport… it felt like a fantasy. He scooped me up in his arms and we hugged so tight neither of us could breathe. Unfortunately, while we were apart he never… He never mentioned in his letters how he became an alcoholic. Instead of the extravagant wedding I dreamed of, we had a green card wedding because my visa was about to expire and I didn't want to go back. Then, without my knowledge, when we consummated our marriage he… he cut a hole in the condom." She mutters, clenching her jaw tightly, "I was only 21. I wasn't ready to be a mother. But soon enough, 8 months later, I had Steven." She clicks another button and a couple of Steve's baby pictures appear, earning a couple of 'awww's from the audience._

" _During Steve's first couple years Joseph and I were still technically married, but separated. He would take Steve every other weekend and I would work my ass off to put food on the table. Another dream I realized wasn't going to happen were my suburban utopia and job, so I took a janitorial job at a nearby hospital and became a marginally better paid nurse. Steve was about two at this time so I dropped him off at the nursery everyday and he played with the other toddlers. It was brutal because I_ _knew_ _Joseph was still living in his parents' nice apartment and eating their food while all the income he made went directly into his pocket. He was the one that took our son around, boasted him to the girls that would flirt with him in line at the store, bought him gifts, took him to nice restaurants. He truly was a good father, just… the times he didn't have to raise his son, he was an entitled, and god rest his soul he knows this, douche."_

 _She chuckles, before going solemn as she prepares to move to the next part of her speech, clicking the remote to a new slide with her and presumably her parents._

" _2001 was an emotionally straining year to say the least. My parents never really had much money either, but at that point they were finally able to afford to visit New York and meet their grandson for the very first time. U-Unfortunately they never even made it to the airport… Their cab was in a traffic accident and both them and the driver were killed…" She takes a moment before continuing. "That was the first profound loss I ever experienced. And it was hell because I blamed myself, it was because of me they were in that cab to begin with. Then my clinical depression emerged and I have been struggling with it since. B-But their deaths made me realize just how strong a parental connection truly is. I wasn't a neglectful mother by a long shot, but I made a point of taking more breaks, even if it meant missing lunch, to go play with Steve in the daycare, just so he would know how much I care, even as a toddler who could barely walk." She clicks another button and a picture of the World Trade Center appears._

" _Then, a few months after my parents, the September 11 attacks occurred… and Joe worked in the North Tower as an office temp. It was in that moment, that_ _crucial_ _moment of looking up at the television and thinking my son may not grow up with a father chilled me to my core. And... " She pauses for a moment to try and find the right words. "I realized just how much I needed him and how much I would miss him if he didn't make it out."_

 _She clicks to the next, which was a 2001 Christmas card of the three of them._

" _Fortunately, he did. He was on a low enough floor where he was able to escape relatively quickly, and we were able to take that picture. A few months pass and he then decided to enlist in the military like many brave men and women that were rightfully horrified by what had happened and wanted to help. I would be lying if I said it was easy, but I respected what he wanted and over the next nine years, things calmed down, we were happily married, Steve was growing up in a loving and supportive home, and Joe was just six weeks from finally retiring from active duty and coming home for good."_

 _Sarah's teeth start to chatter and tears form in her eyes._

" _Th-Then…" She chokes, glancing at Peggy for support, who gives her a sad smile, "H-His off duty commanding officer, wh-who was also a personal friend came up to me at my work and just hugged me completely off guard and whispered 'I'm sorry' into my ear." She chews on her lip and clears her throat a bit, "A-And that's when I knew he was gone… He was six weeks away from civilian life. Six weeks away from going to Steve's art galleries. S-Six weeks away from the prospect of having another child… All taken away by two shots point blank to the head." She takes a shaky breath and looks down, noticing her hands were trembling as well._

" _That was undoubtedly the hardest thing I had ever had to experience. The plan was for us to grow old together, get sick together, then die together. He was only 35, I was only 34. I had to help our 12 year old son grieve when I could barely handle it myself. But just as Joe was my rock when he was alive… Steve remained the most resilient, kind hearted, and supportive young man I could have possibly hoped for. When I had to take off work he went online and sold his artwork to bring in extra money. He is just that kind of person." She gushes, before gulping as she approaches the part of her speech she had been dreading the most._

" _I-I always dreaded the day I died because I saw how much his father's death affected him and I knew how much it hurt, I never wanted him to feel that way… J-Just never i-in a million years did I ever-" A small whimper escapes her throat and she tries to muscle through, "e-ever imagine I would see the police at my door, and have them tell me…" Her voice begins to crack, "Th-That my precious little boy, wh-who I promised I w-would protect from any-thi-ng," she strains, "w-went missing without a trace. H-He's still unfound. Presumed dead. A-And I-"_

 _Steve's POV_

Steve turns off his phone and sets it aside, tears streaming down his face as he buries it in his hands. He fucking hated himself. Why the fuck was he such an ass to his mom? He nearly slaps himself for being such a thick headed idiot. How had it not _once_ occurred to him that he-

"Shit." He mumbles softly into his hands, pulling his head up and staring at the opposite wall. There was no way he could take back the vile shit that he had said to her. What the fuck was he saying when he said she didn't care about him? What the actual fuck?! He needed to figure out a way to make it up to her, to everyone in his life he isolated. Bucky wasn't his whole world anymore.


	22. Chapter 22

**Quick trigger warning for mentions of suicide in the second half of the chapter. If you're sensitive to that I'd proceed with extreme caution or just not read it at all.**

* * *

 _Steve's POV_

 _*knock* *knock* *knock*_

"Comin'!" A voice cheerfully rings from inside the closed dorm room. Steve takes a deep breath and shuffles his cinch bag behind his back, tapping his foot nervously. Angie's cheerful face answers, her smile falling a bit when she sees its Steve. "What do you want?"

Steve looks past her and notices Peggy glance up, before quickly burying her nose in her phone passively aggressively.

"She was ignoring my calls. Peggy please just talk to me," Steve begs as he cranes his neck a bit more, trying to sneak his way into the room. Angie frowns and slams the door into his foot, causing Steve to grit his teeth and stumble back.

"She's ignoring you for a reason," she hisses as Steve clenches his jaw.

"Peggy please, two minutes. That's all I as-"

"Just leave her alone-" Angie's cut off by Peggy standing up and moving her out of the way.

"You have one minute," she states coolly. Steve looks up at her and nods.

"That's all I ask for," he says, before pulling her out in the hall and grabbing the bag, "I brought you some stuff." He mutters, sitting down against the wall and digging through his stuff, Peggy moving next to him.

"45 seconds."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbles before handing her a piece of paper. A sketch of her.

"Do you really think this is going to-"

"Read the date on the back," he instructs. Peggy checks her watch and huffs before doing so.

"November 4th 2017…" She mumbles, before looking back up at him, "Wasn't this when you…"

"When I was with Bucky? Yeah… that was the first time he let me draw something that wasn't some sex fantasy. He got mad at me and…" Steve bites his lip, "It's not important. He thought he threw it away but I kept it."

Peggy's expression softens and she stares at Steve wistfully, "Steve…"

Steve sighs lightly and leans into her, resting his head on her shoulder and burrowing his nose into the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry for being such a douchebag." His wide blue eyes meet her chocolate and she leans down to give him a light peck on the top of the head.

"Hey… you don't care that I kissed you," she points out with a small smile, Steve doing so as well.

"Heh, yeah… I guess you're right," he chuckles lightly, keeping his eyes glued to the floor, "I actually came here to ask you for a favor."

Peggy's smile fades and she raises an eyebrow, "What is it?"

"I, uh, I watched the speech my mom did…"

Peggy's eyes widen and she sighs heavily. "The camera didn't show it but we were in the audience crying so hard."

" _You_ cried?"

"Steve I cried every time I thought about you for long enough," she mutters. "We all did."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Natasha looked like she was ready to kill herself for the first month or two," Peggy states, voice wavering a bit. "Sam barely talked to us anymore, Tony and Howard didn't crack a single joke or even a smile at your memorial. Even that Scandinavian jock, I always forget his name…"

"Thor?"

"Yes! Thor, even he moped around for a bit."

Steve clenches his jaw and inhales deeply. "So I watched her speech about an hour ago. I-I had no idea about half the stuff she talked about-"

"What did you not know?"

"Well first off I had absolutely no idea I was the result of a fucking rape." He hisses, his hands turning to angered fists, "That my dad was such an asshole to my mom-"

"Steve-"

"What?! You were there! You heard what she said! My dad was the worst before he joined the army! Him dying was karma-"

"Steve!" Peggy snarls, swatting him on the leg. "You are talking about your purple heart father."  
"So? Its true!"

"Steve, what did you come here to do? Specifically what did you _apologize_ for?" She snips. Steve thinks for a second before frowning and staring at the floor once again.

"Being a douche."

"And what did your mother think your father was before they got back together?"

Steve rolls his eyes and huffs in annoyance, "Point made, okay?"

They sit in silence for a bit before Peggy speaks up again.

"So what favor do you want exactly?"

 _Bucky's POV_

"Excuse me! Hey! HEY LISTEN UP!" Brock yells across the prison courtyard, Bucky's face going bright red as Brock places a hand on his shoulder. Most of the heads turn to look at him and Brock grins, looking down at Bucky pridefully, "Just so you all know! This one is _mine_. Got that? No one gets to touch him without my permission."

"Fuck off," Bucky snarls angrily, Brock aggressively pulling his hair to shut him up, "Ow!"

"Hey aren't you that kidnapper guy from the news?" One of the men in the crowd belts out, a sea of murmurs soon following.

"Yeah! Nice job on that twink!"

"Was he a good lay?!"

"Looked like such a slut!"

"He was!" Brock exclaims, "I didn't get to use 'em but he had lips made for sucking!"

A roar of applause explodes from the audience and Bucky clenches his jaw so hard he thought his teeth might snap. He wasn't going to react though. He wasn't going to give Brock and these assholes the pleasure.

"Break's up! Get back inside!" One of the guards yells as all the men begin to shuffle back inside, Brock giving Bucky a little pat on the cheek.

894 days until he sees Steve again.

 _Steve's POV_

"What if she doesn't want to talk to me?"

"Steve-"

"I'm serious," Steve mutters as he stares at the door to his mother's apartment with dread. Peggy puts a hand on his shoulder and gives him a light smile.

"She'll want to. When was the last time you two spoke?" She inquires, causing Steve to fix his bangs nervously.

"Uhhh, the hospital," he murmurs, avoiding eye contact. Peggy gasps a bit before knocking on the door herself.

"You're going to be a man and apologize."

"Yeah yeah," he dismisses, before furrowing his brows. He didn't hear anything from inside. Peggy notices as well and knocks again.

"Is she not home?"

"She should be…" Steve presses his good ear against the door and listens carefully, he could hear the noise from inside, most likely from a tv or radio, he knocks again, "Mom? It's me… I know you're probably still mad but I just want t-"

A loud thud came from inside. Panic rises in his throat and he knocks once again, this time much louder and faster, "Mom?!"

Peggy tries to look in through the peephole while Steve fumbles for his keys, "I don't see anyone else inside."

Steve pushes her aside and unlocks the door, swinging it open and looking around cautiously.

"Mom?"

There's a cough from the bathroom. "St-Steven…?" A voice croaks. Steve instinctively runs into the bedroom. Peggy, on the other hand, slowly moves towards the bathroom, the sound of a video she couldn't quite make out getting louder and louder. She anxiously pokes her head into the cracked open door and screams.

 _Sarah's POV_

 _*3 minutes earlier*_

" _Aaaaand the winner of this year's district wide art contest is… Steve Rogers, 5th grade!"_

" _I won? I WON?! MOM I WON!"_

Sarah bites her lip as she watches the old video on her ipad, tears streaming down her cheeks. She sets the ipad down on the edge of the bathtub, video still playing. She closes her eyes and lets out a couple scared and heartbroken sobs, before shakily reaching for the large kitchen knife laying on the floor. She swallows hard and squeezes her eyes shut, allowing herself to sob in terror for a little longer.

" _Mom look! First place metal! D'ya think I should send this to dad?"_

" _Well why don't you show it to him now?"_

" _Hey buddy!"_

" _DAD!"_

She shakily lines the knife up with her stomach, gulping hard. She stares up at the ceiling and lets the tears sting her eyes. She could almost feel the weight of her husband's ghost on top of her, screaming at her to stop.

"J-Joe I-I'm s-s-sor-ry…" She whimpers, twisting the knife in her hands a bit, the tip now gently poking her stomach. She wanted to see him again. And she wanted to see Steve. Because she knew that Steve's body may be alive and well, but her son died that night.

" _We love you so much_ _grá mo chroí."_

With that she pushes the knife in.

* * *

 **Hey guys! I'm super sorry it's taken so long to update. The workload for second semester has been so much heavier and the holidays also ate up a lot of my time. Anyways I hope I can get back onto a regular posting schedule soon!**


	23. Chapter 23

" _911 what's your emergency?_ "

There was loud crying in the background.

"Hello! We just came across a suicide attempt, self inflicted knife to the stomach." Peggy says quickly as she glances back into the bathroom and sees Steve coughing and sobbing, choking on his own spit. Sarah weakly turns and looks his way, letting out a couple raspy breaths.

"Wh-Why did you come here?" She asks quietly as Peggy continues to speak with 9-11, biting her freshly painted nails nervously.

"To apologize… I-I wanted to say h-how awful I am f-for-" The apartment goes quiet for a bit and looks down at the ipad laying screen down on the floor. Sarah coughs harshly and looks down at the tablet, shaking her head.

"Steve d-don't-"

" _I won? I WON! MOM I WON!"_

Steve's lips tremble and he pauses the now cracked screen, putting it face down on the floor. He gets on his knees and grips his mother's hand tightly, letting out small sobs as tears stream down his cheeks and sting his eyes.

"St-Steven i-it's okay…" She rasps, squeezing his hands gently and looks over, "I just wanted to see your," She takes a pause to cough harshly, "F-Father again..."

"Mom…"

 _*knock* *knock* *knock*_

" _Paramedics!"_

Peggy runs to the door and swings it open, "In the bathroom!"

* * *

 _Steve's POV_

The ride over to the hospital felt like a blur. He missed the rest of his classes that day, including an important presentation for his art history class. He truly couldn't have cared less.

Steve's leg bounced nervously as he sat in the waiting room, chewing on his lip. They said the surgery was going to be done 3 minutes ago. Why weren't they done yet? Is something wrong? God please don't let something be wron-

"Steve." Peggy interrupts his train of thought, putting a hand on his leg. The blonde stops, but continues to gnaw on his lip to the point of bleeding.

"What if she doesn't make it throu-"

"No." She cuts him off, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at her, "She's going to make it and you can't blame yourself if she doesn't."

"Peg its _my_ fault."

"Don't be ridiculous. She clearly has had a tough time recently and-"

"Yeah but that tough time was caused by me."

"Steve she misses your father. Do you hear me? She misses your _father_. To be frank if you're going to be angry at anyone in this situation it should be Barnes."

Steve doesn't respond. He just looks down and clenches his jaw tightly. No. This isn't Bucky's fault…

 _Bucky's the guy that got dad killed_ the worst part of his brain rationalizes. _You don't forgive him. How could you forgive him? For everything? It's a good thing he's rotting in-_

"Rogers?" The doctor calls out, allowing Steve to sigh in relief. He and Peggy stand up and he looks over at her.

"Can you stay out here?"

"Of course." She says, sitting back down and giving him a sympathetic look, "It's not your fault."

"Your mother is going to be okay, but make sure you check up on her." The doctor advises as he guides Steve to the room, "She hasn't taken her antidepressants in two weeks, and we found her blood-alcohol content was .1."

Steve's jaw drops, "I can believe her not taking her meds but there's no way in hell she got drunk." He states firmly.

"Well she was. It's common for someone about to commit suicide to get drunk. Alcohol has a numbing effect."

Steve chews on his lip some more and walks into the operating room, where his mother was lying unconscious in the bed, a large amount of bandages wrapped around her waist. There was a nurse inside who Steve instantly recognized as his mother's friend Ingrid. She notices and finishes up a couple things before leaving the room, giving Steve a cool glare on the way out.

"She'll be back in half an hour to check on her vitals." The doctor states, before leaving as well.

Steve sighs and walks into the room, pulling a nearby stool over towards the bed and keeping his head down. She looked in pain, even as she slept. He gently takes her hand and holds onto it tightly, if guilt hadn't eaten him alive before, it sure as hell was now.

* * *

Steve's phone had been going absolutely insane for the last 11 hours. Peggy had left about 9 hours ago and almost every single one of his contacts was sending him texts, calling him, facetiming him. He was getting tagged in posts giving thoughts and prayers, just so much guilt and support with varying degrees of genuine. Everyone just seemed to feel bad. He glances at his watch and buries his face in his hands. 3 AM. And she still hasn't woken up. Exhaustion begins to hit him in waves and by 3:15 he was half in the chair, half on the bed, resting his eyes.

He's just about to fall asleep until he hears quick footsteps approaching the room. He groggily opens his eyes stares blankly at the doorway and waits to see who was coming in. When the person runs through the door his heart skids to a halt and all the blood drains from his face.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't get here earlier. The earliest flight back from Limerick kept getting delayed and-"

"Dad?" He asks quietly, slowly standing up and taking a step back.

"Steve are you okay? It looks like you've seen a ghost." Joseph comments in concern, walking over to him. Steve takes a couple shallow breaths before letting out a small sob of disbelief and hugging him tightly.

"I-I think I just did." He mumbles, squeezing his eyes shut and allowing for a couple tears to fall. He didn't want to question how he was seeing his dad, he quite honestly didn't care. Joseph bites his lip a bit and squeezes Steve, thinking he was referring to Sarah.

"I know… H-How is she?" He asks, worry dripping from his voice as he pulls away from the hug and kneels down next to the bed, taking Sarah's hand gently.

"Stable." Steve mumbles, heart still racing. His dad looked older than when he last saw him. Hair lightening at the temples, more creases on his forehead and the corners of his eyes, he'd gained a bit of weight as well. Steve could only assume it was because of his military retirement.

"Good…" Joseph murmurs, brushing a bit of hair out of his wife's face. Steve lets out a small sob and falls to his knees, burying his face in his hand.

"Dad this i-is all m-my fault… I-I'm s-so so-rry…" He whimpers, feeling an attack coming on.

"Steve of course it's not your fau-"

"Y-Yes it is!" He snaps back defensively, "This is all my fault! If I hadn't been such an insensitive ass after they told me I couldn't see Bucky-"

"Bucky?" His father interrupts him in confusion, "Are you talking about my old sergeant?"

"Y-Yeah..? He kept me in his apartment for _five months_."

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Joseph questions, staring at Steve with a bewildered expression, "You were never kidnapped, _especially_ by Barnes."

Steve's expression falls. This wasn't real.

"Dad..?" He questions softly as Joseph sighs and walks over to him.

"I love you so much Steve." He mumbles before pulling the blonde into a tight hug. Steve begins to cry quietly into his father's chest, swearing to himself quietly.

"Fucking hell…"

"Steven." Joseph mutters as he gently pulls away, "Steven wake up."

"No… Dad please."

"Steven its 4:45. You need to go home and get some proper rest."

Steve furrows his brows and pulls him close one last time before groaning and slowly being shaken awake. Steve thought the last person he would see in this room was his father, but reality stood him corrected.

"Mr. Schmidt?" He grumbles tiredly, trying to blink himself awake. What the fuck? His old Norse mythology teacher?

Schmidt gives him a light smile as Steve slowly tries to sit up, rubbing his eyes some more, "I'm sorry for showing up here so late… or early if that's how you want to look at it. I'm still on German time."

Steve's still trying to process what the hell is going on. A second ago this was his father standing in front of him.

"Wh-What are you doing here?"

"After I found out you had disappeared, I reached out to your mother to see if I could do anything for her to help her through the grieving process." He explains as he lightly pushes Steve out of the way and sits down in the chair, running his fingers through Sarah's hair slowly and deliberately.

Steve had to look away, he didn't like this. He really didn't like this.

"Alles wird gut, meine liebe"*

"She, uh, she doesn't speak German." Steve states awkwardly as Schmidt continues to rub her scalp.

"I taught her some, and she taught me Gaelic. Buachaill gréine"** He says in a bit of a taunting manner. Steve clenches his jaw and takes a couple deep breaths.

"So… a-are you two-"

"In a relationship?" Schmidt finishes as Steve goes bright red, "Yes. I've been in Germany for the last two months teaching English classes, which is why you haven't seen me." He explains, before taking a pause, "And you graduated almost two years ago, call me Johann."

Nope. Steve thinks internally. He couldn't shake this bad feeling he had in the pit of his stomach.

"I know I wasn't your favorite teacher, but I liked you. Can you just put this bias behind you? For her?" He questions as Steve takes a deep breath and looks past him, at his mother. She looked peaceful. He puts on his most realistic fake smile and shakes it firmly.

* * *

 **Oof sorry for not posting in over a month, school is hell.**

Everything will be alright, my love*

Sunshine boy**

I used Google Translate so sorry if they aren't perfect


End file.
